Our love's little infinity
by PMakepeace98
Summary: What if, on that special night in Amsterdam, Hazel and Gus created a new little infinity? Four weeks after that night Hazel learns that she is pregnant with an almost dead guy's baby. Gus is still alive in the first chapter. Love TFIOS. Please read and review. Rated T for mild language and some tragedy. Hazel, Isaac and Kaitlyn will be friends. I don't own TFIOS, unfortunately!
1. Pregnant

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 1: Pregnant

It has been four weeks. Four weeks since Augustus and I had lost our virginities to each other in Amsterdam. He is in the hospital, dying, and I can't do anything to stop it. I love him so much and he's dying. He's leaving me. I always thought that I'd be the one to go first. But it looks like he is going to go before me. I go and visit him at memorial hospital every day. It hurts knowing that he is going to be no longer suffering from person-hood any more. We had his prefuneral yesterday, me, him and Isaac. I cried a lot when I got home. I cried at the thought of losing him. I cried at the thought of losing the person who I loved the most. My parents tried to comfort me, but they couldn't. I just cried.

For the past week I have been feeling nauseas and more tired than usual, and I'm tired a lot. I don't know why, but I haven't told anyone about it because I don't want them worrying about me whilst everyone is worrying about Augustus.

At the moment I am in my bed, it is morning I just can't be asked to get out of the bed yet. Well, that is until I feel like I am going to throw up. I quickly turn Philip off and replace him with my portable one before rushing, as fast as I can, to the en-suite bathroom attached to my bedroom. I puke my guts out into the toilet. I won't go into too much detail. Luckily my parents have gone out; they told me half an hour ago that they won't be back until around one o'clock.

When I am done throwing up the remainders of last nights' dinner I flush the toilet and walk over to the sink to wash my hands, and my face. I also brush my teeth to get rid of the horrible taste that is left over in my mouth. I decide to get dressed so I put on some light blue leggings and a plain white t-shirt before noticing the calendar on the door of my en-suite. I look at it and check through the dates. Over and over again. I'm late. I'm a week late. _Shit._ I think to myself._ Could I be pregnant?_ I think. Well, it explains the sickness and tiredness.

I decide to go to my local pharmacy. Luckily we have two cars and my parents only took one of them. So I grab my purse and the keys to the car and leave the house, locking the door behind me. I get in the car and drive the ten minute drive to the pharmacy.

When I have pulled into the small car park I get out and walk into the store. I look down the aisle with the pregnancy tests. There are so many of them. Which ones do I pick? I decide to get three, each one a different brand and I walk up to the counter where the woman looks at me sadly, as if I were raped or something because I'm ill and vulnerable. I just put them on the counter and wait for her to scan them. Once I have paid for them I take the bag she put them in and leave the store as fast as I can.

When I get home I head straight for my room where I shut the door and lock myself in the en-suite, just in case my parents come home early. It's only eleven but, they could be quicker than they expected to be. I read the instructions and take the tests. I wait. They each say that I have to wait three minutes for the results. And it is the longest three minutes of my life. When the timer I set on my phone goes off I walk, slowly, to the side where the tests lay. I look at each of them, shocked. All three of them shows me that I am pregnant. From the word itself, to the little pink plus sign, to the two pink lines. I am pregnant. I am having a baby. Augustus' baby.

A tear rolls down my cheek. I'm terminally ill and I'm having an almost dead guy's baby. I scared. Though, I am also happy, because this will be mine and Gus' little infinity. We can live on forever in the form of this baby and the children that our child has and so on and so on. I put a hand on my still flat stomach and rub it a little. I'm having a baby.

I need to tell Gus.

As soon as that thought comes into my head I pick up the tests and put them in my bag, I want to show him proof, I also want to hide them so my parents don't find them. I don't want anyone else to know yet, just me and Gus can know for now. I then write a note saying that I have gone to see Gus and that I will be back later before picking up the keys for the second time in one day and leaving the house, locking the door behind me. I get in the car and drive to memorial hospital. Ready to tell Augustus about the little infinity that we created.

When I get to the hospital I get out of the car and lock it before walking through the main entrance. I make my way up to Gus' room and stop outside the door. I take a deep breath before knocking. "Come in." Says Gus. I walk into the room to find him alone, he is the only one in the room, lying on his bed. He smiles when he sees that it's me and I smile at him before sitting down in the chair on the right side of his bed, taking his hand in mine. "Hello, Hazel Grace. What a lovely pleasure it is to see you here on this fine day." He says.

"Hello, Augustus Waters, it is also a pleasure to see you, though I need to tell you something." I say.

"What is it that you need to tell me?" He asks. I take the tests out of my bag and show them to him. He looks at them in shock, but I can see a hint of a smile forming on his face. "You're pregnant?" He asks.

"Yeah, looks like we have created our own little infinity." I tell him. He smiles but then frowns, a tear slides down his cheek. "Hey, what's the matter?" I ask him.

"It's just, I've always wanted to be a dad, and now that I'm going to be a dad I won't get to be there. I won't be able to be there when you give birth, I won't be able to hear its first words or be there when it takes its first steps. I won't get to help you through it." He says as more tears slide down his face.

"Hey, I'll be fine, we'll be fine. And you will be there, in my heart, you'll be watching us from the capital S-somewhere. To be honest it'll be a miracle if I survive this pregnancy. I love you Augustus Waters; I'm never going to stop loving you. And this child is going to know who you are because I will tell them all about you, and us, and our little infinity." I say before standing up and sitting on the side of the bed. I kiss him, passionately.

"I love you too, Hazel Grace, both of you. And I will watch you both all of the time." He says as he puts a hand on my stomach. I put my hand on top of his, on top of the place where our little infinity is growing.

**Hey guys, hope you liked the first chapter of my new fanfic. I love the fault in our stars, it's amazing, and I honestly can't wait for the movie to come out, a lot of tissues will be needed. Please review, tell me whether you want the baby to be a boy or a girl, give me some name suggestions. Just review.**


	2. Dead

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 2: Dead

I am lying in my bed, sleeping, seven days after Gus and I finding out about our little infinity that is growing within me when my phone rings. I wake up and look at my phone to see that it is Gus' mum, I look at the clock at it tells me it is only three thirty in the morning. _Gus is dead._ That is all that is going through my head as I click on the answer call button. He must be, that is the only reason why his mother would call me at this time in the morning. I can already feel the tears fighting their way out of my eyes as I put my phone to me ear. "Hello." I say.

"Hazel. I'm so sorry, but, Gus, he's… he's dead." His mother cries from the other end of the line.

"I'm sorry too." I say as the tears start falling out of my eyes.

"He was unconscious for a few hours before he died." She cries, and I cry with her, just not as loud as she is. "You know, if you ever need anything you can always come round and we will help you." She says.

"Thank you." I say.

"No problem. Goodbye Hazel." She says.

"Goodbye." I say before hanging up the phone and putting it down before curling up into a ball, as well as I can anyway, and cry. I cry so loud that I'm not surprised if I have woken up my parents.

There is a knock on my door, but I don't reply, I don't say anything. My parents come in anyway and they walk over to me, perching on the edge of my bed, stroking my hair as I cry. They try to soothe me, but nothing is working. Nothing can work.

You know when you go into the ER and one of the first things they as you is how bad your pain is on a scale of one to ten. I have been asked this question many times. I remember this one day when I couldn't breathe and my chest felt like it was on fire, the flames licking the inside of my ribs, fighting for a way to burn out of my body. When the nurse asked me I couldn't speak so I held up nine fingers instead. Later the nurse came in and stroked my hand whilst saying "You know how I know you're a fighter? You called a ten a nine." She said. But that wasn't quite right. I called it a nine because I was saving my ten. And here it was; the great and terrible ten.

"Hazel, honey, it's going to be all right." I hear my mum say. But it's not going to be all right. The love of my life is dead. The father of my baby is dead.

"No, it's not." I tell my parents.

"Yes, it is. I promise." My dad says.

"You can't make promises you can't keep. You can't tell me everything is going to be all right when the love of my life is dead. The father of my child is dead." I yell before realising what I just said. I basically just told my parents that I'm pregnant.

"Hazel, what are you talking about?" My mum asks.

"I'm pregnant." I tell them, quietly this time.

"What? How can you be pregnant?" My dad asks.

"Gus and I had sex in Amsterdam, and now I am pregnant with his baby." I say.

"Hazel, how far along are you?" Mum asks.

"Five weeks. I found out a week ago, the day after his prefuneral. Gus knows, I told him after finding out myself. No one else does though. We wanted it to be our little secret for a little bit." I say as more tears fall out of my eyes. "I'm sorry." I tell them.

"Hazel, you have nothing to be sorry for." My dad says as he strokes my hair.

"I just yelled at you both." I say. "And I'm pregnant." I say.

"Hazel, you have just lost the person you loved. And it's understandable to want to have sex when you are both dying." My mum says.

"First, I love him, present tense. Second, I didn't even know he was dying when we had sex. It was after our date. We had sex because we love each other and we felt ready. And maybe on my part it was because I wanted to have sex before I died. Maybe it was the same on his part. I don't know." I tell them.

"Hazel, what are you going to do about the baby?" My mother asks.

"Are you suggesting that I get rid of it, because I'm not going to do that?" I tell them.

"Hazel, you have to think about it?" Mum says.

"I've already thought. I'm keeping my baby mum, whether you like it or not. I'm not killing Augustus' child, I'm not killing my child." I say.

"Hazel…" My mum starts but I cut her off.

"Mum, I love my baby, okay. I'm not going to get rid of it because I'm dying, or because you think I can't handle it. I don't care, I want to try and do something normal for once. I want my baby. Just let me try." I cry.

"Fine. I'll get you an appointment with Dr Maria so we can talk about this." My mum says before leaving the room. My dad stays with me though.

"Don't worry; she'll come around to the idea. I'm sorry, about Gus." My dad says.

"You don't have to be sorry." I say as more tears flow.

"Come here." My dad says as he holds his arms open for me. I crawl into them and let him embrace me as I cry into his t-shirt. As I cry I put a hand on my stomach and pray to whatever god is out there that my child will be all right, no matter what happens.

"I'm scared daddy." I cry.

"I know, but I'm here for you. I always will be. I promise." He says.

"Can you stay with me tonight?" I ask.

"Of course I can." He says. We lay down and I snuggle into his chest as he holds me. I cling to his shirt and cry. I keep crying until I finally go back to sleep. As I sleep I think about Gus and our baby and the life we could have had if it wasn't for cancer.

**Hey guys, hope you liked it. Please review. I also want some more votes on her having a boy or a girl, and some names. I have a few for each gender but I want your ideas. Thanks for reading. Review.**


	3. Telling

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 3: Telling

It has been a week since Gus died, I am six weeks pregnant and I have my first appointment with Dr Maria tomorrow afternoon. My mum is still trying to deal with the fact her only, terminally ill; daughter is pregnant and is refusing to get rid of the baby. Today I am going to Gus' house to tell them about the baby and just to see them. Afterwards I am going to Isaac's to see how he is dealing with Gus' death.

Now I am sitting in one of my parent's cars, outside Gus' house, trying to think of what I'm going to say to them. After five minutes I get out of the car and walk to the door, dragging my tank behind me. I knock on the door and after a few seconds his mum opens the door, it looks like she has been crying a lot, I'm not surprised, I have been crying a lot too. "Hey, Hazel. Come in." She says.

"Thanks." I say before entering the house, she shuts the door behind me. I enter the living room to find his dad sitting on the sofa, looking like he has been crying a lot too.

"Hello, Hazel Grace." He says.

"Hey." I say.

"Take a seat." His mum says. I sit down in the smaller sofa and his mum sits next to his dad. "So, Hazel, what brings you here?"

"There's something that I need to tell you, about Gus and I." I say.

"Okay, what is it?" His dad asks.

"When we were in Amsterdam, Gus and I had sex. Two weeks ago I found out that I'm pregnant, with Gus' baby. I told him about it a week before he died. I just thought you should know." I tell them. They look shocked but there is happiness on their faces as well.

"You're having Gus' baby?" His dad asks, shocked.

"Yeah, I'm six weeks along and I have an appointment with Dr Maria tomorrow to talk about how the pregnancy will affect the cancer and stuff. She also said she was going to do an ultrasound if you guys want to come then you can. It's at one." I tell them.

"We would love to come. I can't believe we're having a grandchild." His mum says before coming over to me and embracing me. I hug her too. "Thank you."

"I haven't really done anything." I say.

"You're continuing Gus' life in the form of the baby. This is a part of Gus that we can all have and be a part of. You are giving us a grandchild that we never thought we would have. We'll help you through this. Thank you." His mum says and his dad joins the embrace.

"That's all right. It's an honour to be having Gus' child and continuing the family." I say.

After that we just sit and talk about things, the baby included. They asked me if I thought of any names yet and I said that I have thought of a few, but I didn't tell them the names that I was thinking about, they were names that had brought us together. After a few hours I decide that I should leave so that I can go and see Isaac. We say our goodbyes and they tell me that they will meet me and my parents outside the hospital at about quarter to one. Then I leave, get in the car and drive to Isaac's house.

When I get to Isaac's house I get out of the car straight away, after seeing Gus' parents I am more confident, and he is my friend. I walk to the door and knock. After a few seconds his mum opens up and smiles sadly at me. "Hey, Hazel. I'm guessing you're here to see Isaac." She says.

"Yeah." I say.

"Come on in." She says and I enter the house, she shuts the door behind me. "He's in his bedroom." She tells me.

"Thanks." I say before walking to Isaac's bedroom. I enter to find him lying on his bed, curled in a ball, even with his glasses and the fact he is blind I know he is upset. "Isaac." I say as I shut the door to his bedroom. I walk over to him and sit on the edge of his bed, taking his hand in mine.

"Hazel Grace?" He questions.

"Yeah, it's me. I'm here." I tell him.

"I'm sorry, about Gus." He says.

"I am too, Isaac. But this isn't the end of him." I say.

"What do you mean?" He asks, confused.

"I'm having his baby." I tell him.

"You're pregnant?" He questions.

"Yeah, I'm six weeks along; I have my first appointment tomorrow, with Dr Maria. Looks like Gus is going to have a part of him in this world." I say.

"That's amazing. Congratulations." He says.

"Thank you." I say.

"Did Gus know?" He asks.

"Yeah, I found out a week before he died, I told him the day I found out. He was happy about it, and he loves the baby." I say.

"Good. I love the baby too." He says.

"Thanks. I'm sure this baby is going to love you too, Isaac. You're going to be its uncle." I say.

"Thanks. Thought of any names yet?" Isaac asks me.

"Yeah, I've got a few in mind. The names kind of brought us together, so that's why I thought of them." I answer.

"What are they?" He asks.

"If it's a boy I was thinking of Max Peter Augustus Waters. If it's a girl I was thinking about Anna Natalie Waters." I say.

"Cute names." Isaac says.

"Thanks." I say.

"No problem. So, how's this going to affect your cancer?" He asks.

"I don't know. I find out tomorrow how this is going to affect the cancer and the treatment or whatever. I just hope that the baby is okay." I say.

"I do too. Will you come round after your appointment and tell me what the doctor said?" He asks.

"Of course I will." I say.

"Thanks. Keep me updated throughout the pregnancy as well." He says.

"I will." I say.

"Thank you." He says.

"No problem. I should get going; my parents will be getting worried. I'll see you tomorrow." I say.

"Yeah. See you tomorrow Hazel Grace." He says.

I squeeze his hand and get up from the bed before leaving his room, saying goodbye to his mum and leaving the house.

When I get home I find my parents sitting on the sofa, watching TV. I sit on the sofa in the middle of them and my dad wraps his arm around my shoulder. "Hey, Hazel. How did it go with Gus' parents and Isaac's?" My dad asks.

"Great, they're all happy and Gus' parents are coming to the appointment tomorrow with us, they said they would meet us outside the hospital at around quarter to one. Also, Isaac said he wants me to go round his after the appointment to tell him how it went." I tell them.

"That's good. We'll drop you off at Isaac's after and you can call us when you want to be picked up." My mum says.

"Thanks." I say.

"How are you feeling?" Dad asks.

"Tired. Hungry." I say.

"Do you want me to do you some dinner?" Dad asks.

"Yes please." I say.

"What do you want?" He asks.

"Can I have your vegetarian lasagne, please?" I ask.

"Sure." He says before kissing my head and leaving the room to make me some dinner. After that my mum wraps her arms around me and I lean my head on her shoulder before closing my eyes and drifting into a peaceful sleep.

**Hey guys, hope you enjoyed it. Please review. I was wandering if you guys mind me making her have twins because I have decided that that would be nice and I want her to have both a boy and a girl. I was also wondering if you liked those names. Please review.**


	4. Miracles

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 4: Miracles

I wake up the next day to find my parents sitting on the edge of my bed, looking down at me. "Good morning." I say.

"Good morning Hazel. It's your appointment today. We have got you some crackers; we know how that helps with your morning sickness. We were also wondering what you would like for breakfast?" My mother answers.

"I would like scrambled egg on toast please." I answer before sitting up and taking one of the crackers off the plate that my dad holds in his hands because I am feeling rather nauseous at the moment.

"Okay." They say at the same time before leaving the room, they do leave the plate of crackers on my bedside cabinet though.

I get out of bed after changing to the portable tank of oxygen and walk into my en-suite. I get ready so that I am wearing light blue jeans and a plain white t-shirt. I brush my teeth, and I brush my hair before leaving my bedroom and walking down the stairs with the plate of crackers in the hand that isn't pulling along the oxygen tank that gives me the air I need to breathe.

I walk into the kitchen to find my parents making scrambled eggs on toast. I sit at the table and nibble on some crackers, still not feeling too good.

After a few minutes my parents bring over the scrambled eggs on toast and we all dig in.

…

It is now quarter to one and we are walking through the car park of my hospital. When we get to the main entrance we see Gus' parents standing outside, smiling at us. I smile at them and walk over to them. "Hey, I'm glad you could come." I tell them.

"We wouldn't miss it for the world." Gus' mum says. When my parents have greeted them we all walk in and head to the ward I am so used to now. I have the appointment with Dr Maria because she knows everything about my illness; also she is a trained midwife but chose to do this instead.

I sign in at the desk and we wait in the waiting room. In silence.

About ten minutes later Dr Maria enters the waiting room and calls my name. We all stand up and follow her down the hallway. We enter a room and she tells us to sit in the seats that are available. She sits in her chair and looks at us. "I understand you're here because you're pregnant, Hazel." Dr Maria says.

"Yeah, I am." I tell her.

"Okay. So first I am going to see how your cancer is handling the pregnancy. Then I'll do an ultrasound and some other tests." She explains. I nod. "Follow me, Hazel. The rest of you can wait here." She says before standing up and leading me out of the room. She tells me to change into one of those horrible hospital gowns, and I do. She then runs scans on me and other tests on me to check my lungs for any sign of how the cancer is progressing.

When she is done she tells me to get out of the gown whilst she collects the results. I change into the clothes that I put on this morning and wait in the waiting room, as instructed to by Dr Maria.

After about ten minutes she appears with a look of shock on her face. "What? What is it? Is it getting worse?" I ask.

"No." She answers, still shocked.

"Then, why are you so shocked?" I ask.

"Hazel, you won't be needing your meds or your tank anymore." She says and now it's my turn to be shocked and confused.

"What? Are they not working?" I ask.

"No. Your cancer has gone. You're not ill anymore." She says and I look at her, shocked.

"My cancer, is gone?" I ask.

"Yeah. You're not going to die from cancer anymore." She says.

"Really?" I ask.

"Why don't you take out your oxygen supply and see if you can breathe." She suggests. I hesitantly take out the things that stick in my nose to give me oxygen and to my surprise I can breathe, and it doesn't hurt. I smile.

"I can actually watch my child grow up." I say. But then, I think of Gus and how he would have wanted to watch our child as it lives its life.

Dr Maria takes away my oxygen tank and it feels weird without it. I have grown used to it these past few years. "Why don't we go back and get your ultrasound done?" She asks. I nod and we start walking back to the room.

We get back to the room five minutes later and my parents and Gus' parents look shocked to see me without my gas tank. "Hazel, where is your tank?" My mum asks, rushing up to me.

"She doesn't need it any more, or any of the medications. She's cancer free." Dr Maria says. The four other adults in the room smile at me and rush over, embracing me.

"You're going to live." My dad says as happy tears fall down his cheeks.

"I'm going to live." I say.

"We should get on with the ultrasound." Dr Maria says after a few minutes. We all pull away from each other and nod.

Dr Maria tells me to lay down on the bed, so I do. She sets up the machine before telling me to roll up my top. I do as I am told and roll up my top. "This might be a bit cold." She says as she squirts a weird gel on my stomach. I flinch at the coldness of it. She then presses a wand to my stomach and starts rolling it around my abdomen, trying to find my baby. An image appears on the screen after a few seconds of two grey blobs. Dr Maria smiles at me. "It looks like you're having twins." She tells me and I look at the screen in awe. I look at my children. Mine and Augustus' children. I Feel tears in my eyes as I look at my beautiful babies. I look at my mum and dad, and at Gus' parents, they're all smiling and have tears of joy and happiness in their eyes.

I'm healthy. My babies are healthy. Everything is great. Except, I don't have Gus here in this moment with me. It would be perfect if he was here.

**Hey guys, hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review. Also, I have decided on twins because most of the people who reviewed agreed with twins. I am also sticking with the names I chose because I like them.**


	5. Excitement

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 5: Excitement

After my appointment I go straight to Isaac's, like I promised him. My parents dropped my off and I am now standing outside his door, excited about the things I have to tell him. I knock on the door and a few seconds later his mum opens it and lets me in. She is surprised when she doesn't see the gas tank with me, I tell her about the cancer going and I know Isaac told her that I'm pregnant so I tell her about the twins. She hugs me, telling me how happy she is and that she is going to be there for me and the babies. She tells me that if I ever need anything that I can go to her. I say thanks in return. She then tells me that Isaac is in his bedroom, waiting for me.

I walk up the stairs and knock on his bedroom door. "Come in." He says.

I enter the room to find Isaac sitting on his bed, waiting. "Hey Isaac." I say happily before sitting on his bed.

"Hey Hazel." He says. "So, how did the appointment go?" He asks.

"Great. There are something's that I need to tell you though." I say.

"Like what?" He asks.

"Well, first of all, I am having twins." I tell him.

"Really?" He asks with a huge smile on his face.

"Yeah." I say, smiling also.

"What's the other thing?" He asks.

"My cancer is gone." I say.

"Oh my God. Are you being serious?" He asks.

"Yeah, no more cancer. I can breathe without the oxygen tank. I'm going to live." I say.

"I'm so happy. You're not going to die." He says before embracing me. I hug him back. "I'm so glad you aren't dying anymore. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you here." He says.

"I'm glad I'm not dying anymore as well. I actually get to raise my children. Though, the fact that Gus isn't here puts a downer on the whole thing." I say.

"Yeah, but we get to continue living for him. You've got two little pieces of him inside you. They are going to know him and who he was. They'll have you, me, your parents, Gus' family, my parents. And they'll have a life. We're going to live, for Gus." He says.

"You're right." I say.

We sit there and talk for hours. At seven, after dinner, Isaac's mum offers to drive me home. I accept because I am tired and I don't want to wait for my parents. When I get home I find my parents on the couch, smiles on their faces, watching TV. I tell them goodnight before walking upstairs and going to bed.

The next day I wake up to my phone ringing. I pick it up and find that Kaitlyn is calling me. I also notice that it is like eleven o'clock. I answer the call.

"Hello." I say.

"Hey girl. How are you?" She asks.

"I'm good. Why don't you come on over later, I have some thing's I need to tell you?" I ask.

"Sure. I'll be over at exactly three o'clock and I will stay for two hours." She says.

"Okay." I say before hanging up. That is when the morning sickness comes. I bolt out of my bed and run to the toilet in my en-suite. I puke my guts out and as I do I feel hands rubbing my back and holding back my hair. When I am done I turn to see my mum standing next to me. "Hey." I say as I flush the toilet and wash my hands.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" She asks.

"Great." I say before brushing my teeth.

"Do you want me to make you some breakfast for when you're ready?" She asks as I spit out the toothpaste and wash out my mouth.

"Yeah, could you do me some pancakes please?" I ask.

"Of course I can." She says before leaving.

I get dressed into a white dress that has white lace flowers on it. When I am ready I walk downstairs to find my parents in the kitchen making pancakes. I sit at the table and wait. As I wait my dad comes and sits next to me. "Hey, how are you feeling?" He asks.

"Amazing." I say.

"Good." He says.

"Kaitlyn's coming round at three." I say.

"That's fine." My dad says. "Are you going to tell her?"

"Yeah, of course I am." I say.

"Good." He says. My mum puts plates of pancakes in front of us and we dig in, after thanking her. We eat breakfast together; we talk, laugh and enjoy our time.

At three the doorbell rings and I go and open the door to find Kaitlyn on the other side. She looks shocked when she doesn't see the tank. "Where's the tank that helps you breathe?" She asks.

"I don't need it anymore. My cancer is gone." I tell her. She squeals before jumping up and wrapping her arms around me. I wrap my arms around her too.

When she pulls back I see that she is crying. I shut the front door and pull her up to my bedroom. We sit on my bed and I give her some tissues, she wipes her eyes, complaining about how she has now ruined her make-up. "So, you said thing's, what else do you have to tell me?" She asks when she has finally calmed down.

"You know, Augustus Waters?" I ask.

"Yeah, you always talk about him." She says.

"Well, you know how we went to Amsterdam. When we did we had sex, and now I'm pregnant with his twins." I say.

"Wow." She says before hugging me again. She is smiling. "Congratulations, when am I going to meet this Augustus Waters?" She asks. That's when I remember that I never told her about him dying.

"You can't meet him." I say.

"Why not?" She asks.

"Well, his cancer came back and spread. He died about a week ago." I tell her.

"Oh my God. I'm so sorry, Hazel." She says.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." I tell her.

"I'll be here to help you. I mean you are like my best friend. So, what are you going to do now you're cancer free?" She asks me.

"Thanks. I'm going to raise my kids the best that I can." I say.

"Are you still going to go to college, or get a job? You need money for the babies." She says.

"I know. I haven't really thought about it yet, I only found out about being cancer free yesterday." I say. After that we just talk for two hours, until she goes. We talk about the babies, her life, and other things.

When she goes I fall asleep, being pregnant with twins is tiring and I'm not even that far along yet. I fall into a peaceful sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. My eyes close and I see Gus…

**Hey, the next chapter is going to be about the dream that she has. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I will update soon, I promise. Please review.**


	6. Dream

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 6: Dream

My eyes close and I see Gus. We are standing in a white room that is clean and clear. Empty. "Gus?" I ask.

"Hey." He replies.

"Am I dead?" I ask.

"No, you're sleeping. I just wanted to see you. I wanted to see how you're doing. I watch over you obviously. Watching what you are doing, how you are coping. I just wanted to talk to you." He says.

"Stalker much." I say and we laugh.

"How are you feeling, without the cancer?" He asks.

"Normal. Free. Fine. How do you know about that?" I ask.

"I watch over you. Also I was the one that made your cancer disappear. Well I had some help." He says.

"What?" I ask.

"I made the cancer disappear." He says.

"How?" I ask.

"Well, up here, in heaven or whatever this place is you're allowed to help your loved ones through their lives. I didn't want you to have our children and have cancer; none of you would have made it. And I wanted you, and our children to have a decent life." He says.

"But it won't be decent without you there." I say as tears start to fall down my cheeks.

"I also need you to keep an eye on Isaac. I'll be with all of you, up here, helping you, but I didn't want you to die, I didn't want our children to die. I also didn't want Isaac to be alone. I want you and Isaac to stick together, help each other, and give each other; and our children a good life. I love you Hazel Grace." He says before coming over and kissing me.

"I love you too." I say.

"Make sure our children know who I am." He says.

"I will. I will tell them about us and the things we did together. I'll tell them everything." I say.

"Good. If you find someone else, don't worry about me, I just want you to be happy, so be with them." He says, tears forming in his eyes.

"I don't want to be with anyone else. I love you Gus, only you. I will always love you. I will never be completely happy without you in my life." I tell him.

"Just, promise me, that you and Isaac will stick together, and help each other, and make sure he gets my eyes." He says.

"We will stick together, but why would I need to make sure he gets your eyes?" I ask.

"Because I wrote a letter, to my mum and dad, saying that they need to let Isaac have my eyes, so he can see again, and help you raise our children. They need a man in their lives, not just their granddads, a proper man, and I was hoping Isaac could be that man. And I don't mind if you and Isaac get together or whatever, just look out for each other." He says.

"Okay." I say.

"Okay." He says back.

"Just promise me that you'll wait for me up here." I say.

"I will." He says. "Goodnight Hazel Grace." He says. "I love you."

That is the last thing I hear before my eyes open and I am lying in my bed. I sit up and look around my bedroom before the tears come pouring down my cheeks. I sit there and think about Augustus and the life we could have had if it wasn't for bloody cancer. I think about the lives our children could have had with him here. I think about what Gus said to me in that white room. I can't be fully happy without him. I love him. I need him. Isaac loves him. Isaac needs him. Our children need him.

I will make sure Isaac gets his eyes. I will make sure that Isaac and I stick together. I will make sure that we help each other. I will make sure that my children have a good life. But I can't promise that Isaac and I will have a good life, not without Gus. I can't promise that we will be happy, or fully happy. I can't promise that we will be all right. Because we probably won't be all right.

But I will try. I will try for my babies. I will try for Gus. I will try for Isaac. I will try for me.

**Hey guys, hope you liked it. Sorry the chapter was so short, the next one will be longer I promise. Can I just say that I know that this story is unrealistic, but it is just a story and this is how I want my fanfic to be. But there is no reason why you have to review saying that it is unrealistic because Hazel wouldn't be able to get pregnant, or the cancer can't just magically disappear, or the babies won't be able to survive. I know all of this stuff. But it is a story, a work of fiction. It's not supposed to be realistic. Fair enough some of it can be realistic, but this is how I want my story to be. I'm sorry if you don't like it but please do not review if you have to say this is unrealistic or that you don't like it or whatever. If you don't like the story, don't read it, don't review saying all the things I already know. I know it is unrealistic. I don't want it to be realistic. It's just my thoughts written up. I am basically writing what comes to my mind, like I do with every fanfiction that I write. So, please don't review to tell me that this story is unrealistic or that you don't like it. Don't read it if you don't like it. I'm not asking you to read it. I put it on here to express my thoughts and to write something that I wanted to write. I didn't expect people to read it and tell me it's unrealistic. I have enough to go through as it is without being told that something I made up about a book that I love. I'm disabled, I have family members who have disabilities and illnesses, like cancer. I am almost constantly in pain and yet I still put by the time to put up a story that I want to write because this is what I want to do in the future. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but just please don't review saying this story is unrealistic. **

**Sorry for the rant, but it had to be said. **

**I will update as soon as I can. **


	7. Funeral

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 7: Funeral

It has been a month since the dream and I still remember it so clearly. I am ten weeks pregnant and I have a little bump in my stomach now. Being pregnant with twins means you start to show quicker than you would if you were pregnant with just one baby.

I have made a start on the things I promised Gus. Isaac is going to get Gus' eyes in two weeks. He agreed to it because they were Gus' eyes, meaning he would still have a piece of Gus with him, for all of his life. Also so he can help me with the babies, which are also a piece of Gus. He can't help me as well if he is completely blind. Isaac and I are helping each other as best as we can. I am taking care of myself, for the babies and for Gus and Isaac. Isaac is taking care of himself for Gus, for me, and for the babies.

Kaitlyn has been helping me out to. She has been really kind and friendly, she has been very supportive. Her and Isaac haven't actually met yet. Though, they are going to meet soon. Isaac hasn't used his wish from the Genie's yet and wants to take me back to Amsterdam for a week so we can do the things that Gus and I did, and what we wanted to do but didn't actually have the time to do it. I agreed as long as Kaitlyn could go with us and he said yeah. The three of us are leaving in two weeks.

Today is the day of Gus' funeral. I stand in front of my floor length mirror, putting my earrings in. The black dress I wear shows my small but noticeable baby bump. "Hazel, are you ready?" My mum calls from downstairs.

"Yeah, I'll be down in a minute." I call back to her.

I take one last glance in the mirror before leaving my room and walking downstairs. My parents are by the door, waiting for me. "You look beautiful Hazel." My father says.

"Thanks." I say. Then we leave.

It isn't long before I'm kneeling next to Gus' coffin, his eyelids closed, covering the fact that his eyes have been taken out so Isaac could have them. At least I will get to see his eyes again, even if they aren't on him. "I love you, present tense." I say before putting my hand on the middle of his chest, "It's okay, Gus. It's okay. It is. It's okay, you hear me?" I knew he couldn't hear me, maybe he could from heaven, but the body in front of me couldn't. I lean forward and kiss his cheek. "Okay." I say. "Okay."

There are a load of people watching us, but I don't care.

I open the clutch that I hold and take out the packet of Camel Lights. I quickly put them into the space between his side and the coffins plush silver lining, hoping no one behind would notice. "You can light these. I won't mind." I say before kissing him one last time.

When I sit down next to my parents my dad gives me a tissue and I blow my nose. The minister starts speaking as soon as he gets behind Gus' coffin.

"Augustus Waters was a courageous young man. His heroism, in the face of illness is an inspiration to us all. In heaven, Augustus will finally be healed and whole," Implying that he had been less whole than others due to his leglessness, and I can't help but sigh in disgust. My father puts his hand on my knee and cut me a disapproving look.

"What a load of horse crap, eh, kid?" Someone says from the row behind me. I spin around.

Peter Van Houten wears a white linen suit, tailored to account for his rotundity, a powder-blue dress shirt, and a green tie. He didn't look to be dressed for a funeral. The minister says "Let us pray," but as everyone bows their heads, I could only stare at the sight of Peter Van Houten.

After a moment he whispers, "We gotta fake pray," and bows his head.

I try to forget about him and just pray for Augustus. I made a point of listening to the minister and not looking back.

The minister calls up Isaac, who was much more serious than he was at the prefuneral. "Augustus Waters was the Mayor of the Secret City of Cancervania, and he is not replaceable," Isaac began. "Other people will be able to tell you funny stories about Gus, because he was a funny guy, but let me tell you a serious one. A day after I got my eye cut out, Gus showed up at the hospital. I was blind and heart-broken and didn't want to do anything and Gus burst into my room and shouted 'I have wonderful news!' And I was like 'I don't really want to hear wonderful news right now,' and Gus said 'This wonderful news you want to hear,' and I asked him, 'Fine, what is it?' and he said 'You are going to live a good and long life filled with great and terrible moments that you cannot even imagine yet!'"

Isaac couldn't go on, or maybe that was all he had written.

After a High school friend told some stories about Gus and his considerable basketball talents and his many qualities as a teammate, the minister says "We'll now hear a few words from Augustus' special friend, Hazel." _Special friend? Seriously?_

I walk up to where you have to speak and look out to the audience. "I was his girlfriend." I say to the minister. That earns me a laugh. "There's a great quote in Gus' home, one that both he and I found very comforting. It says, _without pain, we couldn't know joy._"

I went on spouting bullshit Encouragements as Gus' parents, arm in arm, hugged each other and nodded at every word. Funerals, I had decided, are not for the dead, they're for the living.

After his sister Julie spoke, the service ended with a prayer about Gus' union with God. I think back to what he told me at Oranjee, about not believing in mansions and harps, but he did believe in a capital-S Something. I tried to imagine him and what he might be doing as we prayed.

After the funeral and everyone telling me I had spoken beautifully even if what I said was a load of bullshit, my parents and I got in the car. "I don't want to go. I'm tired." I say.

"Hazel," Mum says.

"Mom, there won't be a place to sit and it'll last forever and I'm exhausted." I say, being pregnant with twins is tiring, so really it's not a lie.

"Hazel, we have to go for Mr and Mrs Waters," Mum says.

I felt so small in the back seat. "Fine." I say. So we went.

…

After it was over, Van Houten walked up to me and put a fat hand on my shoulder and says, "Could I hitch a ride? Left my rental at the bottom of the hill." I shrug, and he opens the door as soon as my dad unlocks the car. When we are all seated Peter leans between the front two seats and says. "Peter Van Houten: Novelist Emeritus and Semiprofessional disappointer."

My parents introduce themselves. He shook their hands. I was pretty surprised that Peter Van Houten had flown halfway across the world to attend a funeral. "How did you even-" I start, but he cuts me off.

"I used the infernal internet of yours to follow the Indianapolis obituary notices." He says.

"And you just like bought a ticket and –"

"It was fifteen thousand for a first class ticket, but I'm sufficiently capitalized to indulge such whims. And the drinks are free on the flight. If you're ambitious, you can almost break even." He says. He takes a swig of his whiskey before offering it to my dad.

"Um, no thanks." My dad says. Van Houten then offers it to me.

"I can't drink." I say.

"Why not? You drunk Champagne when you came to Amsterdam." He says.

"I-I'm pregnant." I say, and he looks shocked.

"You're what? Wait, why don't you have you're gas tank?" He says.

"Well, my cancer is gone. And I am carrying Augustus' babies." I say.

"Babies?" He asks.

"I'm having twins." I say.

"I'm sorry." He says.

"Yeah, well the world is not a wish granting factory. God, I wish Augustus was still here." I say.

"So. _Omnis cellula e cellula_." Van Houten says after a few minutes.

"Huh?" I ask.

"Your boy Waters and I corresponded a bit, and in his last-"

"Wait, you read your fanmail now?"

"No, he sent it to my house, not through my publisher. And I hardly call him a fan. He despised me. But at any rate he was quite insistent that I'd be absolved for my misbehaviour if I attend his funeral and told you what became of Anna's mother. So, here I am, and there's your answer. _Omnis cellula e cellula._"

"What?" I ask again.

"_Omnis cellula e cellula._ All cells come from cells. Every cell is born of a previous cell, which was born of a previous cell. Life comes from life. Life begets life begets life begets life begets life."

We have now reached the bottom of the hill. "Okay, yeah." I say. He was not going to hijack Gus' funeral. "Thanks." I say. "Well, I guess we're at the bottom of the hill."

"You don't want an explanation?" He asks.

"No, I'm good. I think you're a pathetic alcoholic who says fancy things to get attention like a really precocious eleven-year-old and I feel super bad for you. But, yeah, no, you're not the guy who wrote An Imperial Affliction anymore, so you couldn't sequel it even if you wanted to. Thanks though. Have an excellent life." I say.

"But-"

"Get out of the car." I say. Dad has stopped the car and we stay there until Peter gets out of the car, silently.

We drive away, and as we do I watch through the back window as Van Houten took a drink and raised his glass to me, as if he were toasting me. His eyes look sad. I feel kinda bad for him.

…

We arrive home at around six, and I am exhausted. I enter my room and get ready for bed. But I don't sleep, I cry. I cry for Gus. I cry for our babies. I cry for Isaac. I cry for my parents. I cry for Gus' family. I just cry.

**Hey guys, hope you enjoyed it. Please review!**


	8. Games

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 8: Games

A couple of days later, I got up around noon and drove over to Isaac's house. He answered the door himself. "My mum took Graham to a movie." He says.

"We should go do something." I say.

"Can the something be play blind-guy video games while sitting on the couch?" He asks.

"Yeah, that's just the kind of something I had in mind." I say. So we sat here for a couple hours talking to the screen together, navigating this invisible labyrinth cave without a single lumen of light. The most entertaining part of the game by far was trying to get the computer to engage us in humorous conversation:

Me: "Touch the cave wall."

Computer: "You touch the cave wall. It is moist."

Isaac: "Lick the cave wall."

Computer: "I do not understand. Repeat?"

Me: "Hump the cave wall."

Computer: "You attempt to jump. You hit your head."

Isaac: "Not jump. HUMP."

Computer: "I don't understand."

Isaac: "Dude, I've been alone in the dark in this cave for weeks and I need some relief. HUMP THE CAVE WALL."

Computer: "You attempt to ju-"

Me: "Thrust pelvis against the cave wall."

Computer: "I do not-"

Isaac: "Make sweet love to the cave."

Computer: "I do not-"

Me: "Fine. Follow left branch."

We continue for a little while before Isaac decides to pause the game. "Do you know if it hurt or whatever?" He asks me.

"He was really fighting for breath, I guess, he eventually went unconscious, but it sounds like, yeah, it wasn't great or anything. Dying sucks." I say.

"Yeah. It just seems so impossible." He says.

"Happens all the time." I say.

"You seem angry." He says.

"Yeah." I say.

"Gus really loved you, you know." He says after a few moments of silence.

"I know."

"He wouldn't shut up about it."

"I know."

"It was annoying."

"I didn't find it that annoying."

"Did he ever give you that thing he was writing?" He asks.

"What thing?"

"That sequel or whatever to that book you liked."

I turn to Isaac. "What?"

"He said he was working on something for you but he wasn't that good of a writer."

"When did he say this?"

"I don't know. Like, after he got back from Amsterdam at some point."

"At which point?" I press.

"Um," He sighs. "Um, I don't know. We talked about it over here once. He was over here, like-uh, we played with my email machine and I'd just gotten an email from my grandmother. I can check on the machine if you-"

"Yeah, yeah, where is it?" I ask.

When we are done I leave Isaac's house and get into the minivan. I start the car and a hip-hop beat started on the stereo. Someone started rapping in Swedish. I swivel around and scream at the sight of Peter Van Houten sitting in the car, wearing his funeral suit.

"I apologise for alarming you. You're welcome to keep the CD. It's Snook, one of the major Swedish-"

"Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. GET OUT OF MY CAR." I turn off the stereo.

"It's you mother's car, as I understand it. Also it wasn't locked." He says.

"Oh, my God! Get out of the car or I'll call nine-one-one. Dude, what is your problem?"

"If only there were just one. I am here simple to apologize. You were correct in noting earlier that I am a pathetic little man, dependent upon alcohol. I had one acquaintance who only spent time with me because I paid her to do so-worse, still, she has since quit, leaving me the rare soul who cannot acquire companionship even through bribery. It is all true, Hazel. All that and more."

"Okay."

"You remind me of Anna."

"I remind a lot of people of a lot of people. I really have to go."

"So drive."

"Get out."

"No. You remind me of Anna." He says again. After a second I start driving.

"You are, of course, familiar with Antonietta Meo."

"Yeah, no." I say as I turn on the stereo.

"She may soon be the youngest nonmartyr saint ever beautified by the Catholic Church. She had the same cancer that Mr. Waters had, osteosarcoma. They removed her right leg. The pain was excruciating. As Antonietta Meo lay dying at the ripened age of six from this agonizing cancer, she told her father, 'Pain is like fabric: The stronger it is, the more it's worth.' Is that true, Hazel?"

"No, it's bullshit." I yell over the loud music.

"But don't you wish it were true!" He cries back. "I'm sorry I ruined your trip. You were too young. You were-" He breaks down. As if he has the right to cry over Gus.

"You didn't ruin our trip, you self-important bastard. We had an awesome trip."

"I am trying," He says. "I am trying, I swear." It's around then that I realise that he has a dead person in his family. I consider the honesty with which he wrote about cancer kids; the fact he couldn't speak to me in Amsterdam except to ask if I'd dressed like her on purpose; his shittiness around me and Augustus; his aching question about the relationship between pain's extremity and its value. He sat back there, drinking, an old man who'd been drunk for years. I thought of a statistic I wish I didn't know: Half of marriages end in the year after a child's death. I look back at Van Houten. I was driving down College and I pulled over behind a line of parked cars and I ask, "You had a kid who died?"

"My daughter, she was eight. Suffered beautifully. Will never be beautified."

"She had leukaemia? Like Anna?"

"Very much like her, yes."

"You were married?"

"No. Well, not at the time of her death. I was insufferable long before we lost her. Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you."

"Did you live with her?"

"No, not primarily, although at the end, we brought her to New York, where I was living, for a series of experimental tortures that increased the misery of her days without increasing the number of them."

"So, it's like you gave her this second life where she got to be a teenager."

"I suppose that would be a fair assessment. I assume you are familiar with Philippa Foot's Trolley Problem thought experiment?"

"And then I show up at your house and I'm dressed like the girl you hoped she would live to become and you're, like, all taken aback by it."

"There's a trolley running out of control down a track,"

"I don't care about your stupid thought experiment."

"It's Philippa Foot's actually."

"Well, hers either."

"She didn't understand why it was happening. I had to tell her she would die. Her social worker said I had to tell her. I had to tell her she would die, so I told her she was going to heaven. She asked if I would be there, and I said that I would not, not yet. But eventually, she said, and I promised that yes, of course, very soon. And I told her that in the meantime we had a great family up there that would take care of her. And she asked me when I would be there, and I told her soon. Twenty-two years ago."

"I'm sorry."

"So am I."

"What happened to her mom?"

"You're still looking for your sequel, you little rat." He says as he smiles.

I smile back at him. "You should go home. Sober up. Write another novel. Do the thing you're good at. Not many people are lucky enough to be so good at something."

"Yeah, you're right. You're right." But even as he says this he takes out his whiskey, drinks some, recaps the bottle and opens the door. "Goodbye Hazel. Just, promise me you'll keep in touch. I want to know how your babies are doing."

"Sure. Take it easy, Van Houten." I say.

He sat down on the curve and I watched him through the rear view mirror. He took out the bottle and looks at it as if he's going to leave it on the curb.

And then he takes a swig.

**Hey guys, hope you enjoyed it. Please Review!**


	9. Searching

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 9: Searching

The walk from the driveway to the front door of Gus' house feels long even though it is only a few steps away. When I get to the door I knock on it and it isn't long before his mum answers. "Hazel, come in, how are you?" She asks.

"I'm good. I was just wondering if maybe I could look around the basement. Isaac said that Gus had written something, something for me and I really want to find it." I say as I enter the house and she shuts the door behind me.

"Of course. We haven't really been able to go down there yet. But, we were wondering if you would like to keep anything of his, if you want anything just take it." She says.

"Thanks." I say before heading down to the basement.

I look through his computer, nothing. I look on his book shelf, and in all of his books, nothing. I look on his bedside table and find an unfinished copy of _Infinite Mayhem_, the ninth sequel to _The price of dawn. _He didn't finish it. "Spoiler Alert: Mayhem survives." I say as if he can hear me. But still there is no letter, nothing.

Then I just crawl into his bed and wrap myself in his blanket. Inhaling his scent. I rest my hand on my small bump and think about how great of a father Gus would have been. "I miss you Gus." I whisper.

I stay in his bed for a little while before getting up and walking to his closet. I find a cardboard box in the bottom and I pick it up. I grab some of his t-shirts, jumpers and jackets so that I can wear them. I then grab his books, I want to read the things he had read.

When I'm done I walk back upstairs to find his parents and sitting in the kitchen. I walk over to them. "Is it all right if I have these?" I ask gesturing to the things in the box.

"Of course. If you want anything else, feel free to come and get it whenever you want. Did you find what you were looking for?" His mum asks.

"No. Could you guys maybe look around sometime? I just, I really want to read it." I say.

"Of course. How are the babies?" His father asks.

"They're fine. I've got a bump now." I tell them and his mum smiles at me.

"Can I feel it?" She asks.

"Yeah, sure." I say before putting the box down on the table. His mum puts her hands on my stomach, still smiling.

"What do you think you're having?" She asks.

"I don't know. I'm hoping it's going to be a boy and a girl, but I don't really mind as long as they are healthy." I say.

"Would you like something to eat?" His father asks.

"No, I'm okay. I should probably be heading home. I'll see you guys soon though." I say.

"Okay." He says before kissing my cheek. Gus' mum does the same and I pick up the box and leave.

…

The next day I wake up and find my mum hovering above me. "Good morning." I say.

"Good morning. Kaitlyn's on the phone for you." My mum replies before giving me the phone and leaving the room.

"Hey, Kaitlyn." I say.

"Hey. Just calling to check in, see how you're doing." She says.

"Yeah, thanks. I'm doing okay." I say.

"How's the babies?" She asks.

"They're good." I say.

"So, what is it like?" She asks.

"Having your boyfriend die? Um, it sucks." I say.

"No, being in love." She says.

"Oh. Oh. It was… it was nice to spend time with someone so interesting. We were very different, and we disagreed about a lot of things, but he was always so interesting, you know?" I say.

"Alas, I do not. The boys I'm acquainted with are vastly uninteresting." She says.

"He wasn't perfect or anything. He wasn't your fairy-tale Prince Charming or whatever. He tried to be like that sometimes, but I liked him best when that stuff fell away." I tell her.

"Do you have like a scrapbook of pictures and letters he wrote?" She asks.

"I have some pictures, but he never really wrote me any letters. Except, well there is something he wrote me, I don't know what. But I can't find them so I guess he threw them away or they got lost or whatever." I say.

"Maybe he mailed them to you." She says.

"Nah, they would have gotten here by now if he had." I say.

"Then maybe they weren't written for you. Maybe… I mean, not to depress you or anything, but maybe he wrote them for someone else and mailed them-" She says.

"VAN HOUTEN!" I shout.

"Are you okay? Was that a cough?" She asks.

"Kaitlyn, I love you. You are a genius. I have to go." I hung up and rolled over, reaching for my laptop, turning it on and I email .

Lidewij,

I believe Augustus Waters sent a few pages from a notebook to Peter Van Houten before he (Augustus) died. It is very important to me that someone reads these pages. I want to read them, of course, but maybe they weren't written for me. Regardless, they must be read. They must be. Can you help?

Your friend,

Hazel Grace Lancaster

She responds later in the afternoon.

Dear Hazel,

I did not know that Augustus had died. I am very sad to hear this news. He was such a very charismatic young man. I am so sorry, and so sad.

I have not spoken to Peter since I resigned that day we met. It is very late at night here, but I am going over to his house first thing in the morning to find this letter and force him to read it. Mornings were his best time, usually.

Your friend,

Lidewij Vliegenthart

P.S. I am bringing my boyfriend in case we have to physically restrain Peter.

Just after six p.m. she wrote back.

Dear Hazel,

Peter was very intoxicated when we arrived at his house this morning, but this made our job somewhat easier. Bas (my boyfriend) distracted him while I searched through the garbage bag Peter keeps with the fan mail in it, but then I realised Augustus knew Peter's address. There was a big pile of mail on his dining room table, where I found the letter very quickly. I opened it and saw that it was addressed to Peter, so I asked him to read it.

He refused.

At this point, I became very angry, Hazel, but I did not yell at him. Instead, I told him that he owed it to his dead daughter to read this letter from a dead boy and I gave him the letter and he read the entire thing and said – I quote him directly – "Send it to the girl and tell her I have nothing to add."

I have not read the letter, although my eyes did fall on some phrases while scanning the pages. I have attached them here and then will mail them to you at your home; your address is the same?

May God bless and keep you, Hazel.

Your friend,

Lidewij Vliegenthart

I click open the four attachments. His handwriting was messy, slanting across the page, the size of the letters varying, the colour of the pen changing he'd written it over many days in varying degrees of consciousness.

_Van Houten,_

_I'm a good person but a shitty writer. You're a shitty person but a good writer. We'd make a good team. I don't want to ask you any favours, but if you have the time – and from what I saw you have plenty – I was wondering if you could write a eulogy for Hazel. I've got notes and everything, but if you could just make it into a coherent whole or whatever? Or even just tell me what I should say differently. _

_Here's the thing about Hazel: Almost everyone is obsessed with leaving a mark upon the world. Bequeathing a legacy. Outlasting death. We all want to be remembered. I do, too. That's what bothers me most, is being another unremembered casualty in the ancient and inglorious war against disease._

_I want to leave a mark._

_But Van Houten: The marks humans leave are too often scars. You build a hideous minimall or start a coup or try to become a rock star and you think, "They'll remember me now," but (a) they don't remember you, and (b) all you leave behind are more scars. Your coup becomes a dictatorship. Your minimall becomes a lesion. _

_(Okay, maybe I'm not such a shitty writer. But I can't pull my ideas together, Van Houen. My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations.)_

_We are like a bunch of dogs squirting on fire hydrants. We poison the groundwater with our toxic piss, marking everything MINE in a ridiculous attempt to survive our deaths. I can't stop pissing on fire hydrants. I know it's silly and useless – epically useless in my current state – but I am an animal like any other. _

_Hazel is different. She walks lightly, old man. She walks lightly upon the earth. Hazel knows the truth: We're as likely to hurt the universe as we are to help it, and we're not likely to do either. _

_People will say it's sad that she leaves a lesser scar, that fewer remember her, that she was loved deeply but not widely. But it's not sad, Van Houten. It's triumphant. It's heroic. Isn't that the real heroism? Like the doctors say: First, do no harm._

_The real heroes anyway aren't the people doing things; the real heroes are the people NOTICING things, paying attention. The guy who invented the small pox vaccine didn't actually invent anything. He just noticed that people with cowpox didn't get smallpox. _

_After my PET scan lit up, I snuck into the ICU and saw her while she was unconscious. I just walked in behind a nurse with a badge and I got to sit next to her for like ten minutes before I got caught. I really thought she was going to die before I could tell her that I was going to die, too. It was brutal: the incessant mechanized haranguing of intensive care. She had this dark cancer water dripping out of her chest. Eyes closed. Intubated. But her hand was still her hand, still warm and the nails painted this almost black dark blue and I just held her hand and tried to imagine a world without us and for about one second I was a good enough person to hope she died so she would never know that I was going, too. But then I wanted more time so we could fall in love. I got my wish, I suppose. I left my scar. _

_A nurse guy came in and told me I had to leave, that visitors weren't allowed, and I asked if she was doing okay, and the guy said, "She's still taking on water." A desert blessing, an ocean curse._

_What else? She is so beautiful. You don't get tired of looking at her. you never worry if she is smarter than you: You know she is. She is funny without ever being mean. I love her. I am so lucky to love her, Van Houten. You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers. _

"I do, Augustus. I do." I whisper, hoping he can hear me. I notice there is another sentence.

_Okay, Hazel Grace?_

"Okay." I say as I put my hand on my stomach and a tear falls down my cheek.

**Hey guys, hope you enjoyed it. Sorry it has taken a while, I will update soon I promise. Please review!**

**Also, I have seen the movie like four times now and I have to say I have never cried so much at a movie. Also, it was so much like the book. It was amazing. If you haven't seen it I recommend that you should!**


	10. Eyes

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 10: Eyes

I wake up the next day to find my dad walking into my room. He smiles at me and I smile at him. "Good morning." I say. I still can't get the letter from Gus out of my head.

"Morning. How are you feeling?" He asks.

"All right, I guess." I say.

"Isaac's operation is being moved up to today. It starts in an hour." He says.

"Why is it being moved up to today?" I ask.

"Because it was meant to be the day before you, him and Kaitlyn leave for Amsterdam and there won't be enough time for him to heal. If he has it today then he has just over a week to heal and he should be fine." Dad tells me.

"Okay. I might go and check on him later." I say.

"Okay. Do you want something to eat?" He asks.

"Can I have some bacon sandwiches please?" I ask.

"You're a vegetarian." My dad says.

"I'm not dying of cancer anymore. Also I'm craving bacon." I say.

"Okay. I'll go down the shop and get some for you." He says.

"Thank you." I reply and he leaves the room. I am eleven weeks pregnant with twins and they make me crave things I haven't had in years. Like bacon. I haven't had that since I was a little girl.

I get out of bed and decide to get ready for the day. I go into my en-suite and brush my teeth before washing my face with my face scrub. I then get changed into a white dress that has lace flowers on it, the dress shows my baby bump clearly, but I don't mind. I walk downstairs to find my mum sitting on the sofa in the living room, watching TV. I go and sit next to her and she wraps her arm around me. "So bacon, huh?" She asks.

"I'm eleven weeks pregnant with twins; they're making me crave meat. Also I'm not dying of cancer anymore; I think I can start eating meat again now." I tell her.

"Okay. How are you feeling this morning?" She asks.

"I'm feeling good. I think the morning sickness is finally starting to wear off." I say.

"Good. Did your dad tell you about Isaac's eye transplant being moved up to today?"

"Yeah. I'm going to see him later. And this time he should be able to see me as well." I say.

"I think he'd look good with Gus' eyes." She says.

"Yeah. I hope one of these babies has his eyes as well." I say as I rub my stomach.

"Oh, you're getting big." Mum says.

"I'm not that big yet. And what do you expect? I'm having twins. There are two of them." I tell her.

"I know; I was just messing with you." She says. "Have you thought of any names yet?"

"Yeah, if there is a boy and a girl." I tell her.

"Let's hear them then." She says.

"I'm not telling you. You can wait until they are born." I say.

"Seriously." She says.

"Yep." I say, popping the 'p'.

"But you told Isaac." She whines.

"Yeah, but that was because I promised Gus I would look after him. Like he promised Gus he would look after me, and the babies. And because we were both severely upset on the day. Also, I just thought I should tell him because that was when I still had cancer and I thought that I would probably die giving birth, so someone needed to know the names I had picked out." I say.

"Fine." She says.

…

At one I decide to head to the hospital to check on Isaac. When I arrive on the ward I find his mum sitting on a chair in the waiting room. I walk over to her and sit on the seat next to her. "Is he still getting operated on?" I ask.

"Yeah. How are you?" She replies.

"I'm good, how are you?" I ask.

"I'm good thanks." She answers.

"How has he been?" I say.

"He's been excited and happy that he is going to be able to see again, so he can help you and the babies and not need to be helped getting to places. He's also been a bit emotional because he's getting Gus' eyes. But he's been fine." She says.

"Good." I say.

After that we just sit there in silence waiting for the operation to be over.

Two hours later a doctor walks into the waiting room. He walks over to where we sit and we stand. "The operation was successful. He has been out of theatre for an hour we just wanted to make sure he was okay. He should wake up soon and when he does he should be able to see again." He says.

"Can we go and see him?" I ask.

"Of course. Follow me." He says and we follow him to the room where Isaac is. We stop outside room number eight and the doctor opens the door for us. We walk in to find Isaac lying in bed, sleeping. He is wearing one of those horrible hospital gowns which I hate. His mum and I sit in the two chairs in the room. I sit on the right side of the bed, holding his hand, and his mum sits on the left side. We sit there and wait, the doctor left as soon as we entered after telling us to call for him when Isaac wakes up.

Half an hour after we enter the room I feel Isaac squeezing my hand, I squeeze back and he squeezes my hand again. I look up at his face and notice his eyelids fluttering, trying to open. And they do. They open and he looks around the room, trying to figure out where he is. His eyes then stop on me and he smiles at me. "Hazel." He says.

"Hey, Isaac. How are the eyes?" I ask.

"They're good. I can see again." He says.

"Good. How are you feeling?" I ask.

"I'm fine. It's a little strange being able to see again, but it's great. Now I can help you and the babies, like I promised Gus I would. And I can see the world through his eyes, literally." He says, laughing again. I laugh too.

"Yeah, you can." I say.

"Isaac." His mum says.

"Hey mum." He says as he turns to face her with a smile on his face. They embrace.

"I'll go find the doctor." I tell them before standing up.

"No, I will. You sit down and rest." His mum says before letting go of Isaac and leaving the room. I sit back in my chair.

"So, how are the babies?" Isaac asks.

"They're good. They're also making me crave meat." I say.

"But you're a vegetarian." He says.

"I was only a vegetarian because I was dying from cancer and I wanted to minimise the casualties. Now it doesn't really matter. Also, I have to eat meat to keep my babies healthy." I say.

"So, you are no longer a vegetarian?" He asks.

"Nope." I say.

"Great. Are you ready for Amsterdam?" He asks.

"Yep. Are you ready to meet Kaitlyn?" I ask.

"I'm a little more ready to meet her now that I can see again." He says. "Is she nice?"

"Yeah, she is. She's the only one of my old friends that stuck with me when they found out I was dying of cancer. Though, she loves shopping." I say.

"Oh, let's hope we don't have to do too much shopping in Amsterdam." He says.

"We're going for a week; we're going shopping at least once." I say.

"Damn." He says. "Let me see your bump, now that I can see." He says.

I stand up and turn to the side so he can see my baby bump. "That's cute. Sit down, I want to feel it." He instructs. I sit on the side of the bed and he puts his hands on my stomach. "Hello, my little god children, my name is Isaac. I am going to look after you and you mummy; and I'm going to spoil you, and I'm going to love you, and I'm going to tell you all about your amazing daddy." He says.

"You're going to be an amazing dad one day, Isaac." I tell him.

"Do you really think so?" He says.

"I know so. I just wish Gus was here, he would be a great dad." I say as a tear slips out of my eye and rolls down my cheek.

"Yeah he would." Isaac says before wiping away my tears. "I don't need to be a dad if I have these two. I probably wouldn't be able to find a girl anyway, even if I can see now. I think I'll just stick to helping out you three." He says.

"Isaac, Gus would want you to be happy and find someone you can have a family with." I say.

"He'd want the same for you as well, and I don't think you want to find someone else. All I need to make me happy is you and those kids. Even if they're not mine. You're the only things I have left from Gus and I want to be there for you, and I will be there for you." He says.

"Thank you." I say.

"You're welcome." He says. "Come here." He opens his arms for me and I crawl into them. He embraces be and I cry into him.

The doctor and his mum come in but he doesn't let go of me, and I don't stop crying. The doctor does his checks and leaves. His mum leaves saying she will come back later and that she wants to give us two some time alone together. We just lay there for hours, even when I have run out of tears.

When his mum comes back, at six, I leave the hospital, promising I will come back tomorrow, which is when he is allowed out of hospital. I drive home, eat some toast and then go to bed, crying myself to sleep, thinking about Gus.

**Hey guys, hope you enjoyed it. Please review! Also, I was wandering; do you want me to get Isaac and Hazel together at some point in this story? I want this story to be quite long so it doesn't have to be right away. Anyway, let me know. Review!**


	11. Amsterdam

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 11: Amsterdam

It has been about a week since Isaac got Gus' eyes; I have to say he does look good in them. Today is the day we leave for Amsterdam. I am so excited. I am also twelve weeks pregnant with twins; my bump is getting bigger by the day. Though my morning sickness has stopped, which is a good, no, great, thing. Kaitlyn is coming round at one, which is in an hour and a half. My parents are driving us to the airport and we are picking Isaac up on the way.

I am wearing a loose grey top that fits over my small but noticeable bump, well it isn't that small but it isn't large. I am also wearing black leggings. I am sitting on the sofa in the living room, watching TV and eating another bacon sandwich. My mum enters the room and sits next to me. "You do love your bacon sandwiches, don't you?" She asks.

"They are amazing. Why did I become a vegetarian again?" I ask jokingly, she laughs.

"Are you excited for Amsterdam?" She asks.

"Yeah, I just wish Gus was here, you know." I answer.

"I know. Maybe one day you can take the twins there; show them where you fell in love with their father." She suggests.

"That's what I want to do, but how am I going to get the money?" I ask.

"Get a part-time job. Your father and I will help; I'm sure Gus' parents will too. Then there is Isaac and Kaitlyn to help out, and their families." She says.

"What job am I supposed to get? I don't go to college anymore. I haven't really gotten any grades." I say.

"Yeah, but the employer will understand. Also you're a smart girl, I'm sure they won't mind. You could write a book about you and Gus. I know how much you love reading and writing. Become an author. You can do that and look after two kids at the same time. And if people like it you will get a load of money. Then there's the conferences and things you can go to, so you get to travel. Then it could be turned into a movie so you make even more money from it. And you don't need any qualifications to become an author, just a love for books and writing." She says.

"Yeah, but then there's finding a decent publisher, who you have to pay to be your publisher. Then you have to get a manager, who you also have to pay. Then you have fans and people loving you, and people coming up to you in the streets asking for an autograph or whatever. Then I will have fan mail which I will feel obliged to read and write back to whoever wrote it. Then there will be people who criticize me and how I'm a single mother of two kids at the age of seventeen. You know there are a lot of people who hate teenage pregnancy out there. You were one of them until my cancer went and you decided to like the idea of being a grandma when your only child is seventeen. I wouldn't know how to spend the money. The only person who I would want to play Gus is Gus, but he's dead and I'm here alone with two kids to raise, on my own. They aren't going to have a father. I'm not going to be able to get over Gus. These will be the only kids I'll ever have, even though when I was younger and didn't have cancer, I always wanted to have a big family. These are the only grandkids you will ever have. And I'm scared." I cry and my mum embraces me and I cry into her shirt.

"It's going to be okay. You're not alone. You have me, your dad, Isaac, Kaitlyn, their families, Gus' family. We're all here for you Hazel. And those might not be the only grandkids we'll ever have." She says.

"What do you mean? I'm not going to fall in love again. Who's going to love me? A single mother who has two kids and used to have cancer. Who could love that?" I ask.

"A lot of people. But that's not what I'm talking about." She says. I look at her questioningly.

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"I'm pregnant." She says. I'm shocked.

"But you're thirty seven." I say.

"Yeah, believe it or not I haven't quite hit menopause yet. And you can get pregnant at thirty seven." She says.

"How far along are you?" I ask.

"Eight weeks, I'm only a month behind you. But your babies are probably going to be born a month or so early." She says.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because, you're having twins. Twins are usually born early because of the amount of room, or because of health problems, one of them may be smaller than the other so they may need you to deliver earlier so they can give it more nutrients or whatever." She answers.

"Oh. I'm happy for you mum. But, there isn't enough room here for three babies, plus us three." I say.

"I know, but we'll figure something out." She says before embracing me again.

…

At one, on the dot, Kaitlyn arrives and we all get in the car, packing our things into the boot. I sit in the middle seat of the back row in the car and Kaitlyn sits to the right of me. We drive to Isaac's house and Kaitlyn wouldn't stop babbling about how excited she is. I go to Isaac's door and knock. He opens a second later with a suitcase in his hands. He wheels it behind him and puts it in the boot. I get back in my seat and he sits next to me. He introduces himself to Kaitlyn and she introduces herself to him. They shake hands and we drive to the airport.

When we get there my parents take our things out of the boot before hugging us all and saying goodbye like a zillion times before driving away. We check in and put our luggage on the thing that takes it to the plane. We then walk to the terminal and wait for our plane. Isaac and Kaitlyn are really hitting it off; they are constantly talking about something random and laughing.

When we are finally on the plane and on our way to Amsterdam Kaitlyn falls asleep after about an hour of flying. Isaac and I are still awake, though. "My mum's pregnant." I tell him.

"Really? That's amazing." He says.

"Yeah, but, there isn't enough room for three babies plus the three of us. I don't know what to do. She said that we'd figure something out but there really only are three options. I move out. They move out. Or we buy a new, bigger house." I say.

"Well, maybe us two can buy a house together." He suggests and I look at him, shocked.

"Not like that. My mum and Graham need the room and I need to go somewhere different, there are too many memories in that house. And I can't help you with the babies if I'm not near you. We could buy a four bed house, you have a room, I have a room, and the babies can have their own rooms. We can help each other. I'll get a job so we can pay for the house. You can get a part time job when the babies are old enough to go to nursery or something. You parents, my parents, Gus' parents, Kaitlyn can visit, and we'll visit them. It'll be fine. Also, three babies in the same house is going to be very loud and crazy and hard." He says.

"But, what if you find a girl?" I ask.

"I don't want anyone. Like I said in the hospital, all I need to make me happy is you and those babies. I'll be happy with that. I don't want anyone." He says.

"Can I think about it?" I ask.

"Of course." He says.

"Thank you Isaac. For everything." I say.

"No problem." He says before wrapping his arms around me, I lay my head on his shoulder and the last thing I feel before I go to sleep is Isaac kissing the top of my head.

**Hey guys, hope you enjoyed it. I got mixed reviews, some saying yes to Isaac and Hazel getting together, and some saying no. I will just see how things turn out. Though, if they do get together it won't be for a while yet, so don't worry.**

**Please review!**


	12. Truths

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 12: Truths

Frannie's POV

I walk into the kitchen to find my amazing husband, Michael, making dinner. Hazel left for Amsterdam a few hours ago. I walk over to him and he looks at me with a small smile on his face. "Did you tell her?" He asks.

"No." I say.

"What did you tell her? She looked really excited and happy about something and I don't know if it was because she was going to Amsterdam or something you told her." He asks.

"I told her I was pregnant." I say.

"But, you're not. You have cancer and you are going to… die… in a month. As much as I hate saying those words." He says.

"I wanted her to be happy before she left, not sad." I say.

"You could have said nothing." He says.

"But she got all upset about how those are the only grandchildren we're going to get and the thought popped into my head. I'm sorry; I didn't know what to do. How am I supposed to tell her I'm dying when she's pregnant with twins, she just got over the fact she isn't going to die of cancer, and the father of her children is dead?" I say.

"I know it's hard, but you have to tell her the truth." He says.

"I know. She said she'd call us when she gets to her hotel room. I'll tell her then." I say.

"Okay." He says before pulling me in for a hug.

Hazel's POV:

When I arrive at my hotel room, I am sharing a room with Kaitlyn but Isaac is here now as we have ordered some room service, I pull out my phone and call my parents. My mum picks up on the third ring. "Hey sweetie." She says.

"Hey mum, I got to the hotel safely, so did the other two. How are you?" I ask.

"Hazel, I need to tell you something." She says, sounding serious.

"Okay. What do you need to tell me?" I ask.

"I was lying, about being pregnant; I wanted you to go with a happy thought, not a sad one." She says.

"What? Why would you lie to me?" I ask. Tears are pooling in my eyes.

"Hazel, I'm dying." She says.

"What?" I ask as the tears start falling down my cheeks. Kaitlyn and Isaac look at me, worried.

"I have cancer; they've given me a month left to live." She says.

"No. But I need you. My babies need you. You can't leave me." I say as my knees buckle from underneath me. Isaac and Kaitlyn come over to me.

"I'm sorry, Hazel. I want to be there, I do. I'm sorry I lied to you." She says, I can tell she's crying.

"You can't leave me, mum." I say.

"I'm so sorry. I love you." She says.

"I love you too." I say before hanging up the phone, I can't handle it anymore. Isaac pulls me in for a hug and I cry into his top.

"Hazel, what's the matter?" Kaitlyn asks.

"My mum lied to me. She's not pregnant. She's dying. She has cancer and only has one month left to live." I say.

"Hazel, I'm sorry." Isaac says.

"Why do people have to leave me?" I ask.

"Hey, we're here. We're always going to be here. For you and for the babies." Kaitlyn says.

"Yeah, we're here." Isaac says.

We sit like that for a while, them comforting me as I cried. We ate dinner and watched a movie, which luckily was in English. Then Isaac left and Kaitlyn and I went to bed. But I don't sleep straight away. I look up at the ceiling and think about Gus, and my mum, and my dad, and Isaac, and Kaitlyn, and my babies. I think about many things. Like how my mum lied to me because she was dying and wanted me to go to Amsterdam with a happy thought instead of a sad one. Like how Gus is dead. Like how my mum is leaving me and her unborn grandchildren. Like how my babies are fatherless and are only going to have one grandma.

I lie there for ages just thinking about things before sleep takes over me.

**Hey guys, sorry for the short chapter. I will update again soon. Please review!**


	13. Stairs

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 13: Stairs

I wake up the next morning to the sound of a hair dryer. I look at the clock to see that it is ten o'clock in the morning. I see Kaitlyn blow drying her hair in the bathroom and sit up. There is a tray of fruits and crackers and things on the bedside table and I eat some of it.

Kaitlyn comes into the room; she is dressed in black skinny jeans and a white crop top. "Hey, how are you feeling?" She asks me.

"Fine." I say. "I'm going to get ready."

I grab some blue leggings and a loose grey t-shirt before walking into the bathroom and locking the door behind me.

…

An hour later Kaitlyn, Isaac and I are sitting in the dining room of the hotel, having brunch. "So, what do you want to do today?" Kaitlyn asks.

"How about we go to Anne Frank's House?" I suggest.

"Are you sure?" Isaac asks. "I mean, you and Gus did have your first kiss there, and there are a lot of steep stairs."

"I want to go there again. Also I can breathe properly now, I'm sure I can handle the stairs this time." I say.

"But pregnant women get tired and out of breath easily." Isaac says.

"I'll be fine." I say.

"Okay, we'll go there then." Kaitlyn says.

…

It is now one o'clock and the three of us are queuing up outside Anne Frank House, waiting to go in.

When we walk into the house we take our time walking around. Watching the videos. Listening to what she is saying. When we get to the first set of steps Kaitlyn walks up first and I follow. It's easier without the tank. It's easier when you can breathe properly. I make my way up the stairs without a problem.

On the second floor we take our time looking around, like we did on the ground floor. Isaac and Kaitlyn look around in awe of the place that hid the Frank family during the war and the Holocaust. I look around and think of when Gus, Lidewij and I came here, after our terrible morning with Van Houten. I look around and see me, with the oxygen tank. I see Gus.

Tears pool in my eyes, but I push them down. I don't want to cry. I've done too much crying.

We make our way up the second set of stairs, behind the bookshelf that hid the family. I see Lidewij carrying my tank for me and Gus comforting me, helping me as I struggle for breath.

We look around, taking our time. Then we arrive at the ladder, which yet again I struggled with. Kaitlyn climbs up first. I follow, it's easier, but the memories, the memories are painful.

I finish climbing and sit; my back against the wall. Kaitlyn and Isaac look at me, worried. I look to the centre of the room and see mine and Augustus' first kiss. This is the place where I realised how much I love him. How much I want him. This is the place we went to before creating the babies that are growing inside of me.

The tears come and I don't stop them this time. Isaac and Kaitlyn wrap their arms around me and comfort me as I cry. I've done too much crying. But God, or whoever is up there, deciding my fate, just seems to hate me. First he takes Gus from me. Now he's taking my mum. I wonder what he's going to do next. Or maybe he's going to stop doing things to me and make me live without Gus and my mum. Make my dad live without his wife. Make my babies live without their dad and only one grandma.

The world is not a wish granting factory.

I know that.

But I wish it was.

"Hazel?" I hear a familiar female voice say my name.

I look up and Isaac and Kaitlyn let go of me. I see Lidewij standing next to a man, who I'm guessing is her boyfriend. I dry my tears, stand up and walk over to her, embracing her.

"How did you know it was me?" I ask.

"I recognised the hair, and your voice. I may not have heard you cry but I know what you sound like." She says.

"It's good to see you." I say.

"You too. I'm sorry, about Augustus. Where's your gas tank?" She asks, shocked to not see it.

"Oh, my cancer's gone." I say.

"Wow, that's amazing. You look different." She says.

"Yeah, I'm kinda pregnant, with twins. Gus is the dad." I tell her.

"Wow. Congratulations." She says.

"Thank you. These are my friends. Kaitlyn and Isaac." I say, gesturing to Kaitlyn and Isaac as I say their names. Lidewij introduces herself to them and shakes their hands.

"This is Bas, my boyfriend." She tells me.

"Nice to meet you, Bas." I say as I shake his outstretched hand.

"You too, Hazel." He says.

"Oh, you three have to join us for dinner tomorrow night, we're eating at Oranjee." She tells us. I look at Isaac and Kaitlyn and they nod.

"Sure, what time should we meet you there?" I ask.

"About seven." She says.

"Okay, we'll be there." I tell her.

"Great. We have to go now, but we'll see you tomorrow." She says.

"Yeah, sure." I say before embracing her again. They leave and Isaac and Kaitlyn look at me. "That was Peter Van Houten's assistant." I tell them.

"Oh, okay." Isaac says.

"Let's go shopping for tomorrow night." Kaitlyn says. Isaac and I groan. "Come on, it'll be fun." She says.

We follow her out of the house and to the mall.

**Hey guys, hope you enjoyed it.**

**If you're fans of Divergent, could you please go and read my divergent fanfics. I have five of them, though; one of them is a set of one shots that you get to request me to write. If you have read them already then thank you, but I want them to get more readers, especially my newer ones. If you could review on them as well, that would be great.**

**Please review!**


	14. Oranjee

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 14: Oranjee

It is half five in the evening of the next day, and Kaitlyn and I are getting ready for dinner with Lidewij and Bas. Isaac is in his room getting ready. We went shopping and I brought a new dress for the occasion, as well as some new flats. The dress is white and has coloured flowers on it. It goes down to my knees, so it is a reasonable length. Kaitlyn is wearing a black dress that goes to her mid-thigh. The top of the dress has sequins on it and there is a white ribbon that pulls the dress in at the waist. The bottom of the dress doesn't cling to her legs, it's loose and there is some white lace that goes round the bottom of the dress. It's pretty.

At six we are all ready and we decide to take a slow walk to the restaurant and look around a bit. Isaac is wearing a suit that looks slightly like the one that Gus wore when we went to Oranjee. It brings tears to my eyes just looking at it, but I hold them down. I don't want to ruin the evening by crying.

We reach the restaurant at quarter to seven and stand outside, waiting for Lidewij and her boyfriend.

They arrive ten minutes later, hand in hand, smiling at us. "Glad you could join us. Shall we?" Lidewij says. We nod and they lead the three of us into the restaurant.

We sit down and decide to get the chef's choice. Like Gus and I did when we came here. The waiter gives the others champagne and is about to pour some in my glass. "I can't drink that." I tell him.

"Why not?" He asks, pulling the bottle of champagne away.

"I'm pregnant." I say.

"Okay. What drink would you like instead?" He asks me kindly.

"Orange juice please." I say. He nods before leaving to get me some orange juice for me.

"So, has Peter spoken to you recently, Hazel?" Lidewij asks.

"Well, he snuck into my car a little while ago and told me about his daughter and how sorry he was. He told me to keep in touch to tell him how my babies are doing. But I haven't heard anything since. What about you?" I ask.

"I haven't seen him since you asked for the letter from Augustus. Though, his house is up for sale so I think he's moving somewhere new." She says. I nod. "Maybe you could go visit him. See how he's doing."

"Maybe." I say. That is when the waiter comes back with my orange juice. He puts a normal glass, not a wine glass, in front of me and fills it with the orange juice which is in his jug. He then places the jug of orange juice on the table so I can refill it if I need to. I thank him and he goes to another table.

"Who's Peter?" Kaitlyn asks.

"The author of An Imperial Affliction, the book I like. You should read it some time." I answer.

"Okay. Wait, is he the one that you and Gus came to see and he was a drunken asshole to you both?" She asks.

"Yeah." I say.

"Maybe we could go and visit him. See where he's going, how he's doing. If he's still a drunken asshole or not." Kaitlyn says.

"Sure. Okay. We'll go tomorrow. Is that okay with you Isaac?" I ask him.

"Yeah, sure." He says.

The waiter comes with our food fifteen minutes later. "Dragon carrot risotto for you." He says as he puts my bowl of risotto in front of me. He gives everyone a bowl and leaves us to our meal. I just stare at the meal. The same meal that Gus and I ate when we came here not too long ago.

"Hazel, are you all right?" Bas asks and that's when I notice that a tear has fallen down my cheek and everyone on our table is looking at me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I say as I wipe my tears.

"No you're not. You're crying." Kaitlyn says.

"It's just… this is what Gus and I ate when we came here. To this restaurant. And sat in those chairs at that table." I say, pointing to the table we sat at when we came.

I pick up my spoon and start eating. It tastes as amazing as it did when Gus and I came. Everyone else starts eating their risotto and talk about how amazing it tastes and other things. Lidewij asks Kaitlyn and Isaac about what they like to do and what their plans are for the future. Kaitlyn talks about how she wants to help me out with the babies and how she can't wait to be an auntie, even though we're not actually sisters. She then talks about how she wants to go to college and get a good job, and hopefully, one day find the right guy, get married and have kids.

That hurts me. I found the right guy for me. I found Gus. I found the love of my life. And he's dead. We can't get married and raise our babies, or have more babies. He's gone. He's not here anymore. He never will be here again.

I feel like crying again.

Isaac talks about how all he wants to do is help me and the babies out. He's going to try and get a job so he can help me pay for things. He's going to help me raise these kids. He's going to be their father figure, because their father isn't here anymore. He talks about how he doesn't care if he never gets married or has kids of his own, and how he doesn't really want to do those things. All he wants to do is help me and my babies, and that is what is going to make him happy with his life. He will die happy knowing he managed to help me raise my babies and knowing that they had some sort of father figure in their lives. Even if he wasn't their real dad. He talks about how he promised Gus he would help me and the babies; how he would be there for the three of us until the day he dies.

A tear falls down my cheek.

And another.

And another.

Lidewij talks about how yesterday her and Bas discussed moving to Indianapolis so they could keep in touch easier and help with the babies. She talks about how I need as much help as I can get raising these babies and it's always better to have a lot of help when it comes to raising a baby, especially when they only have one real parent.

I sit there, still crying, still eating my risotto.

All I see is Gus.

I see his smile.

His hair.

His eyes.

His laugh.

Him.

Everything that him and I did together.

Then all I see is black.

**Hey guys, hope you enjoyed it. **

**What do you think is going to happen next?**

**Please review!**


	15. Hospital

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 15: Hospital

I wake up to bright lights and the familiar sound of beeping. The sound of a heart monitor in a hospital. The sound which is annoying but I sign that you are still alive.

I blink a couple of times to get used to the brightness and look around the room. It is all white and sterile. Plain and boring. It smells of disinfectant. I see Isaac sitting in the chair on the right side of my bed, holding my hand, sleeping. Kaitlyn is on the chair on the other side of the bed, holding my hand, sleeping. I look down and see that I am wearing one of those horrible hospital gowns. I also notice my slight bump and breathe a sigh of relief.

Isaac stirs and opens his eyes to see me awake. He smiles before embracing me. "You're awake. I was so worried. We all were." He says loudly, which of course wakes Kaitlyn up, who also embraces me.

"I was so worried." Kaitlyn says.

"Are the babies okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, they're fine. What happened?" Isaac asks.

"Um, well you lot were talking about how you wanted to help me raise the babies because they won't have a father, and Lidewij talked about how she was going to move to Indianapolis with Bas so they can help me and the twins. And then I just kept seeing Gus and everything we did together and I just passed out. Where are Lidewij and Bas anyway?" I ask.

"Oh, they went to get something to eat for all of us. We didn't get to finish our meal so they went to get something. How are you feeling?" Kaitlyn asks.

"I'm feeling fine." I say. "Just tired, and hungry. Sorry for ruining the evening." I add.

"You didn't ruin the evening. It's okay. We understand." Isaac says.

We sit and talk for a while about random things.

Twenty minutes later Lidewij and Bas arrive with some bags of food in their hands. When they see that I'm awake Lidewij rushes over and embraces me. "Thank God you're all right. We were so worried. How are you feeling?" Lidewij says.

"I'm fine. I'm just tired and hungry." I say.

"Well, we have plenty of food to go around." She says.

"Do my parents know that I'm in the hospital?" I ask.

"No. Because we're in a different country they couldn't get hold of them, with the time difference and everything. So they decided they wouldn't call them." Isaac says.

"When am I allowed out of here?" I ask.

"They said if you wake up you can leave tomorrow." Isaac says.

"Okay." I say.

We sit around and eat food and talk and laugh about things for hours, until I am too tired to keep my eyes open for not even five minutes. Lidewij and Bas decided to go home and leave us to it. Isaac and Kaitlyn say goodnight to me, I say goodnight to them, and I drift off into a peaceful sleep.

**Hey guys, sorry for the shortness of the chapter, the next one will be longer, I promise. **

**Anyway, I have been getting a few reviews telling me to make Hazel lose one of her babies or for her to have a miscarriage or whatever. I am not going to do that. I don't like writing about that sort of thing so I won't write about it in any of my stories. So please stop asking me to get rid of one of the babies or whatever, because I'm not going to do it.**

**Please review!**


	16. Novel

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 16: Novel

I got released from the hospital an hour ago, which was great because no matter how many times I have been to a hospital in my short life, I hate them.

We are back in our hotel now. I'm showering and getting dressed before we go and see Peter Van Houten. It doesn't take me long to get ready so it isn't long before we're leaving again, walking to Van Houten's house whilst talking about random things.

We get there not long after we left the hotel, there is a for sale sign in front of his house, as Lidewij said there was. I knock on the door, expecting him not to answer, or if he did he'd be drunk off his head.

But that's not what happened.

He opens the door a couple seconds after I knocked and he wasn't drunk, at all. "Hello, Hazel." He says.

"Hello, Peter. These are my friends, Isaac and Kaitlyn." I say. "Guys, this is Peter Van Houten."

Peter shakes their hands and invites us into his home. Unlike when Gus and I came his home is now clean and tidy. Boxes of things in piles against the walls of the rooms, from where he has been packing.

We all sit down in the living room.

"So, what are you guys doing here?" He asks.

"Oh, we're on holiday and we bumped into Lidewij, she told us you were moving and we thought we'd come and check on you, because of your drinking and stuff." I say.

"Oh, I gave up drinking after I read that letter from Augustus and told Lidewij to send it to you." He says.

"That's great. Where are you moving to?" I ask.

"Indianapolis." He says.

"Why?" I ask.

"Well, because I want to help you. And because I figured my daughter wouldn't want me to be a drunken idiot for the rest of my life. I figured I'd write another book and maybe start fresh." He says.

"You're going to write another book?" I question, shocked.

"Yeah. I was looking through my mail the other day and I found another letter from Mr Waters, it was sent the day after he sent the eulogy thing for you. It was about your love story and the things you did together, but in his perspective, from the moment he met you at support group. He then suggested that I could turn your love story into a novel. And I thought that I should. For him. For you. And for your babies. And for everyone to know your amazing but tragic love story." Van Houten says.

"You want to write a novel about Gus and I?" I ask.

"Yeah. Obviously I'll change your names if you want." He says.

"No, you don't have to do that." I say.

"Okay." He says.

"What are you going to name it? The novel I mean?" I ask.

"I don't know yet. I was thinking about naming it, 'Okay?', but I don't know. You can help me pick a name if you want." He says.

"'Okay?' is perfect." I say.

"Okay." He says and we all laugh. "How are the babies?"

"They're fine." I say. "Though, can you not mention the babies, or the fact my cancer miraculously went in the novel. I just want them to know about their father and our love story. I'll tell them the rest. I just want the book to be about Gus and I." I say.

"I won't mention them in the book, don't worry." Peter says.

"Thank you." I say.

We sit their talking and laughing for hours. All four of us. It's amazing how someone like Peter Van Houten can change in such a short length of time. He is now the amazing person I thought he was. He is now the author I thought he was.

At four Isaac, Kaitlyn and I head back to the hotel. We order room service to mine and Kaitlyn's room and we sit and talk about how amazing this holiday is, even though I did faint in the middle of a restaurant.

"We should come back here when the babies are born." Isaac suggests.

"Yeah, bring them with us." Kaitlyn agrees.

"Yeah, that would be nice. But maybe when they're like two or something." I say.

"Yeah." They say at the same time.

"It's strange seeing Peter Van Houten without alcohol in his body. I thought he'd still be a drunken idiot." I say.

"Well, at least he's nice now. And he wants to help with the babies. We know the babies are going to have a lot of help and support. That's the main thing, right?" Kaitlyn says.

"Yeah, and it's great that everyone wants to help me, and it's great that my children will have a lot of people that they can go to for help or whatever. But it still doesn't change the fact that they don't have their dad and they won't have my mum." I say.

"Yeah, but they'll have you, and everyone else, to love them and look after them. And they will know that Gus and your mum love them because we'll be telling them that constantly." Isaac says.

"Have you thought about who you want to have with you when you give birth?" Kaitlyn asks.

"I did want my mum, but she's not going to be there. I was thinking maybe my dad, Gus' mum and you two. They said I'm allowed up to four people. That's if you two want to be in there." I say.

"I'd love to be in there with you." Kaitlyn says.

"I would too." Isaac says.

"Thanks guys. For being there through everything." I say.

"No problem." Kaitlyn says.

"Group hug." Isaac says and I laugh before embracing my two best friends in a hug.

We stay in that hug until our food comes. We eat the food, talking and laughing about random things.

At ten Isaac decides to go back to his room and get some sleep, we say goodnight and he leaves. Kaitlyn and I get ready and climb into our beds.

"Goodnight Hazel." She says.

"Goodnight Kaitlyn." I say.

I close my eyes and drift off into a peaceful slumber, thinking about how my life is going to be when my babies are born.

**Hey guys, hope you enjoyed it.**

**Please review!**


	17. Homecoming

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 17: Homecoming

Today is the day we go back home to Indianapolis. We spent the rest of the holiday going to museums, going shopping again, and going to dinner with the new and improved Peter Van Houten. He's moving to Indianapolis next week. Lidewij and Bas are moving in a month.

Isaac, Kaitlyn and I are in the taxi on the way to the airport.

"This has been such an amazing trip. I can't wait to come back some day." Kaitlyn says.

"Yeah. Thanks for using your wish on this amazing trip Isaac." I say.

"No problem. I had to use it at some point." He says.

"When's your next appointment with the midwife Hazel?" Kaitlyn asks me.

"Uh, when I'm sixteen weeks so in three weeks. Then I have another one at twenty weeks to find out the genders." I say.

"Okay. Can I come to them?" She asks.

"Of course you can." I say. "You can too Isaac, if you want." I add.

"Yeah please." He says.

"You know, I think I might start driving lessons." Isaac says.

"You should. You can see again so it would be a lot easier now." I say.

"Yeah, also I wouldn't have to rely on other people to get me to places all the time." He says.

"Yeah." I say.

…

We have now landed back in Indianapolis and we are on the escalators that go down to the lobby where my parents should be waiting for us.

I see my mum and dad waiting for us and as soon as I'm off the escalator I run to my mum and embrace her. Tears start falling from my eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth." She says.

"Don't worry about it." I cry.

"Did you have a good trip?" She asks.

"Yeah, it was great." I say.

"Good. Let's go home." She says.

I nod and let go of her before embracing my dad.

We go to the car and drive home, our luggage in the boot. Kaitlyn and Isaac by my sides, my parents in the front.

We drop Kaitlyn and Isaac off at their homes before actually going home. But, when we get home we all sit on the sofa, me in the middle, my hand on my baby bump which is bigger now than it was when I left.

"So, what did you guys do on holiday?" My dad asks.

"Uh, we went to the Anne Frank House where we saw Lidewij and her boyfriend, we also went to dinner with them. We went shopping twice because Kaitlyn wanted to. We went to see Peter Van Houten and he wasn't a drunken idiot this time. He's moving to Indianapolis next week, Lidewij and Bas are moving here in a month. Peter is also going to write another novel. It's going to be about Gus and I. We also went to some museums that Gus and I wanted to go to but didn't have the time to go to them." I say.

"That's great. I'm glad you had a good time." My mum says.

"How are you feeling mum?" I ask.

"Tired. But I'm okay." She says.

"Are you in pain?" I ask. I asked Gus the same thing.

"No. I'm not in pain." She says.

"Good." I say.

"Hazel, I'm sorry that I'm not going to be there for you and the babies. But, I promise that every day, until the day I day, I will be there for you. We can do whatever you want to do and we'll do it together. As a family." My mum says.

I feel tears pooling in my eyes again.

"Okay." I say as a tear slips out of my eye.

"I love you." She says.

"I love you, too." I say.

"Do you want to watch some top model?" She asks me.

"Sure." I say.

So we sit there, the three of us, watching ANTM. But, I don't really pay attention to what we're watching. Instead I think about my babies and what their lives are going to be like. I think about Isaac. I think about Kaitlyn. I think about Van Houten. I think about Lidewij and Bas. I think about my parents. I think about Gus' parents. I think about Gus.

I think about our little infinities.

**Hey guys, hope you enjoyed it. **

**Please review!**


	18. Gone

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 18: Gone

It has been three weeks since Isaac, Kaitlyn and I came home from Amsterdam. Today is the day of my 16 week appointment. My mum is in the hospital. She has been for a week now. She won't be able to come to my appointment but dad and I are going to see her afterwards. She hasn't got long left.

Dad and I are currently sitting in the car, driving to the hospital. I am getting bigger and bigger by the day. I'm still not that big yet, but I definitely look pregnant. My hands rest on my stomach as he drives us through the roads.

I am wearing light blue, maternity skinny jeans with a yellow t-shirt. I am wearing white converses as shoes. Dad is wearing beige trousers with a blue shirt. He is wearing some black, smart looking, shoes.

"How are you feeling this morning?" Dad asks.

"Fine." I say. "Just a little tired."

I've been letting my hair grow out; I have been since finding out I haven't got cancer anymore. It is now down to my shoulders in a layered bob sort of style, but it looks good. I like it.

…

The appointment was amazing; we listened to their heart beats. We saw how beautiful they looked. Dr Maria, who is going to be my midwife all the way through this pregnancy, and will be delivering these babies when the time comes, talked about how they are developing and what they are doing and the symptoms I might experience. They're healthy.

After the appointment, dad and I walk to the room where my mum is. Dad knocks on the door and my mum calls us in, weakly.

We walk into the room to find her on the bed, looking pale and half asleep.

"Hey. How did your appointment go sweetie?" She asks me as dad and I sit in the chairs on either side of the bed.

"It went fine. They're both healthy. Do you want to see the picture?" I ask.

She nods and I take the picture of the ultrasound out of my bag and give it to her.

"They're beautiful." She says.

"I know." I say.

"How are you feeling, love?" Dad asks her.

"Tired." My mum says.

"You can let go, if you want, mum. We'll be all right. I love you." I say.

"I love you too, sweetie. And I love my grandchildren. And I love you, Michael." My mum says, tears threatening to fall out of her eyes.

"I love you, too." Dad replies.

"Are you in pain?" I ask. I have asked this every day since I got home from Amsterdam. She always answered with a no, but I don't know if it's because she really wasn't in pain or if she wanted me to think she wasn't but actually she was.

"Yes." She says, looking at me with tears now falling down her cheeks.

"It's okay." I say. "It's going to be over soon." I add, I hold her hand, her other hand is already in my dad's.

"Look after my grandchildren for me. And Michael, look after all of them for me." She says.

"I will, Fran. I'll look after them." Dad says, I nod.

"Be brave, Hazel. I'm sorry I can't be there with you, to hold your hand." She says.

"It's okay. I'll have dad, and Gus' mum, and Isaac, and Kaitlyn. We'll be okay." I say, tears now threatening to fall out of my eyes. "Say hi to Gus for me. Look after him."

"I will. We'll watch over you all, together." She says.

My mum starts struggling for breath.

"I… love… all… of… you." She wheezes before falling unconscious.

She's still alive, the machines tell us that. But it doesn't stop the tears from escaping my eyes. Or my dad's for that matter.

She looks dead. She looks still. She looks pale. She looks lifeless.

The machine flat lines.

She's gone.

**Hey people, sorry for the short chapter. But I hope you enjoyed it.**

**By the way, Gus didn't give Hazel's mum Hazel's cancer. She knew she had cancer before Hazel lost hers but didn't want to tell Hazel about it because of what she was going through with Gus and the babies. **

**Please review!**


	19. Genders

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 19: Genders

It has been four weeks since my mum died. Her funeral was two weeks ago. Peter Van Houten went to the funeral, so did Lidewij and Bas who moved to Indianapolis three weeks ago. Of course Kaitlyn, Isaac, his family and Gus' family came. It was very emotional, especially for me and my dad. We held each other all night; he let me sleep in his and my mum's bed with him so I could feel closer to her. It worked, the bed had her scent on it, but it was painful. Very painful.

Anyway, today is the day that I find out the genders of my twins. Yeah, I'm twenty weeks pregnant now and my bump is quite big and still has plenty of time to grow.

I walk down the stairs, dressed and ready for my appointment, which is in an hour. I am wearing some black leggings and a loose grey t-shirt with some dark blue converses.

I am still letting my hair grow out and it is slightly longer than it was four weeks ago.

I enter the kitchen to find my dad frying some bacon, yeah, I am still craving bacon. I walk over to the fridge and get out the orange juice before taking a glass out of the cupboard next to the fridge and filling it with some orange juice. I put the carton of Tropicana back in the fridge before taking a sip of the cool drink.

"How are you feeling this morning?" My dad asks me as he continues to fry the bacon.

"Fine, they've been kicking a lot, though." I say as I rub my stomach with my free hand. The twins started kicking three weeks ago, and when they do they kick hard.

"You kicked a lot when your mum was pregnant with you." My dad says.

"Really?" I ask.

"Yeah, you especially liked your mum's ribs in the last few months." He says, smiling sadly.

"Dad, can you promise me something?" I question.

"Of course, what do you want me to promise you?" He replies.

"Promise me you'll be there for me and my babies. Promise me you'll be there to hold my hand and comfort me when I give birth. Promise me you'll be there to help me raise my children. Promise me you'll be there and not shut us out or whatever." I say.

"I promise. I'm not going to leave you or those twins of yours Hazel. I'm not going to shut you out." He says.

"Thank you." I say.

"Bacon's ready." He says.

So we sit down and eat bacon sandwiches and talk about the babies and other things.

We just talk.

…

An hour later and we are sitting in the waiting room of the maternity ward in the hospital. Waiting for Dr Maria to arrive and call us in for the appointment.

She comes a minute later and we follow her to our usual room. I lay on the bed and my dad sits in the seat next to me. The others would have come but they decided to throw me a gender reveal party instead. They also want to throw me a baby shower in four weeks so they can help me out with all the things I need for the babies.

"So this is the scan where we'll be able to tell you what genders your babies are. And we'll go over some things." Dr Maria says.

She sets up the ultrasound machine and I lift my t-shirt up. She squirts some of the cold gel on my bump and places the wand over it, moving it around my stomach. After a few seconds the screen shows my beautiful babies.

I feel tears in my eyes as I look at the screen. My dad takes my hand in his and squeezes it. I look at him to see he has tears in his eyes as well.

"Are you ready to find out the genders?" Dr Maria asks.

I nod, unable to speak.

"Baby A is a… boy." She says and a tear falls down my cheek. I'm having a son.

"Baby B is a… girl." She adds; more tears slide down my face.

I'm having a son and a daughter. One of each.

She takes some measurements and things before looking at me.

"What? Is something wrong?" I ask, scared.

"Not at the moment. But Baby B is growing a little slower than she should be; she's smaller than the average twenty week twin. But don't worry; usually with twins one is smaller than the other. But, we're going to have to do an ultrasound every week to make sure she's okay and healthy, etcetera." Dr Maria says.

"She's going to be okay though, right?" I ask.

"I don't know. We'll have to wait until the birth to know if there are any problems with her. And with twins you usually go into labour early." She says.

"How early?" I ask.

"It depends, every pregnancy is different, but we'll be here to make sure everything's all right." She says.

"What do I do when I go into labour?" I ask.

"Well, you get your dad or whoever is with you to call me and tell me you're in labour. Then you come in and a room will be ready for you when you arrive and we'll take it from there." She says.

"What if I'm not with anyone?" I ask.

"Well then call your dad or someone to come and get you and bring you to the hospital. Just try not to panic, stay calm and breathe." She explains.

"Okay." I say.

"How many pictures do you want?" She asks.

"Two, please." I say.

She nods and prints off the pictures before removing the wand from my stomach and putting it in its holder. She then gives me some paper towels with which I wipe my stomach off.

After that we talk about the babies, healthy diets and other things pregnancy, labour and baby related. She tells us that my next appointment will be next Tuesday and that I will have to go back every Tuesday after that until I give birth to my boy and girl.

My dad and I then leave the hospital and go to the gender reveal party which is being held in Isaac's house. We only stay for like two hours but it's nice to catch up and talk with our friends.

When we get home, my dad and I sit in the living room, watching TV for a few hours before I decide to go to bed.

As I lay in my bed all I can think about are my babies, and Gus. More than that, one of our babies could be unhealthy. One of our babies is smaller than she should be. There could be a problem. She could be ill.

A tear falls down my cheek.

My little girl could be ill.

Our little girl could be ill.

I hope our little girl isn't ill.

**Hey Nerdfighters. **

**I am so sorry for not updating, my internet messed up and I have been busy, but I promise I will update as soon as I can.**

**Please review!**


	20. Draft

Our love's little infinity

Chapter 20: Draft

It has been four weeks since I found out the genders of my babies. So I am twenty four weeks pregnant now, and huge. I have been back to the hospital once a week since then, like I was told. My last appointment was yesterday. My daughter is still smaller than she should be at this gestation, but as long as I keep eating healthily, and taking my vitamins, she should be fine. I hope she's fine.

Kaitlyn has arranged my baby shower for tomorrow. So my dad is out getting things ready for it, whilst I am at home, on my own.

My dad, Kaitlyn, Isaac, Lidewij, Bas and Peter have been busy decorating the nurseries. We decided to give the twins a room each as this is a four bedroom house, also because I'm having a boy and a girl we thought it would be better for them. I wanted to help but they said no because of how far along I am. So whilst they have been hard at work I have been eating, watching TV, going on my laptop and reading.

I am sitting on the sofa watching TV with my hands resting on my bump, when there is a knock on the door.

I slowly get up; it is more difficult with a bump this big and twins weighing you down, and walk to the door. I open it to find Peter Van Houten standing on the other side, smiling, with a block of paper in his hand.

"Hey, Peter. Come in." I say, smiling in return. I move to the side to let him in and close the door behind him.

We walk into the living room and sit on the same sofa I was just sitting on.

"Hello Hazel, how are the twins?" He asks.

"They're good; baby B is still smaller than she should be though." I tell him.

"Don't worry; I'm sure she'll be fine." He says.

"I hope so. What's with all the paper?" I ask, gesturing to the wad of paper in his hands.

"I was going to wait until tomorrow to give it to you, but I decided against it as tomorrow is about giving you things for the babies. This is my first draft of 'Okay?' I thought you might want to read through it. You know, tell me if it's good enough to tell yours and Augustus' love story. If there's anything you want me to change then just tell me and I'll change it. So, would you like to read through it?" He explains.

"Of course I'd like to read through it. I'm sure it'll be fine though." I say.

"Okay. Also, at the end there is a little something in there for you from Augustus that he gave to me in the case that I did ever decide to write another book. The book is in his point of view, and he gave me all the pointers I needed to write it." He says.

"Thank you." I say.

"No problem. I hope you enjoy it." He says.

"I'm sure I will. When do you want it back?" I ask.

"Well, just tell me when you've finished reading it and whether you like it or not, or if anything needs changing. But, you can keep that copy I have it on my laptop." He says.

"Thank you." I say.

"You're welcome. Anyway, I should get going, I have baby stuff to buy." He tells me.

"Okay." I say before gasping as the babies kick me hard.

"Are you all right?" He asks, concerned.

"Oh, yeah, they just kicked real hard." I tell him.

"Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow." He says, smiling kindly.

"Okay, see you tomorrow." I say, smiling back at him.

He leaves the house and I just stare at the papers in my hands, wanting to read it, but not wanting to read it. I don't know if I'm ready to relive it all. But at least I'll know how Gus felt.

I decide to read it tonight, before I go to bed. So I go back to watching TV.

…

My dad comes home two hours later with god knows how many bags full of stuff. When he's put everything away he does dinner, I'm not allowed to cook anything either.

We eat dinner and we talk. I tell him about the draft Peter gave me to read and he says that he's happy that Gus is going to be remembered the way he wanted to be.

After dinner I decide to go up to room, get into my pyjamas, and read (or start to read) the first draft of 'Okay?'

So, that's what I do. I go to my room, get into my pyjamas, and I start to read the first draft of 'Okay?'

**Hey Nerdfighters, I hope you enjoyed this rather short chapter.**

**Please review!**


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